


Fireworks and Forgiveness

by Heresetrash



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dry Humping, Falling In Love, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Young Love, benarmie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2019-10-07 21:36:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 28,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17373716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heresetrash/pseuds/Heresetrash
Summary: A year after his father’s death, Ben is still struggling to come to terms with his loss. In hopes of cheering him up and helping him move on, his mother rents a beach cottage in Canto Bay for the summer. Ben doesn’t expect the first summer without his father to be anything but lonely, but when he meets Armitage Hux, a local boy, everything changes.





	1. Chapter 1

The silver SUV halted and Leia’s lips moved, but Ben couldn’t hear what she was saying. He paused the music on his phone and pulled his earplugs out.

“What?”

“I said, this doesn’t look so bad, does it?” she repeated, pulling the handbrake and turning off the engine.

Ben unbuckled the seatbelt and got out, his knees cracking from having sat still in the car for so long. He ran a hand through his thick, dark hair to get it out of his eyes, then took in the sight of the Canto Bay beach cottage his mother had rented for them for the summer. It was painted in a fresh mint colour, with white trims and windowpanes, and a front porch with wild pink roses climbing up its pillars. Around the small front yard, ran a white picket fence. Nearby, he could hear the loud, wailing caws of seagulls, and the air smelled unfamiliarly like salt and seaweed.

“It’s very… picturesque,” he grimaced.

“Only you could make the word picturesque sound distasteful,” Leia said jokingly, slamming the car door shut and moving to the trunk to unload their luggage.

“It just looks kind of fake. Like some Pleasantville stuff,” Ben went on, moving around the car to help Leia with their five suitcases. The cottage was supposed to be fully furnished, but his mother didn’t trust that it included everything she needed and liked, so she had stacked up. Ben had only packed one suitcase. What more did he need at a beach cottage than shorts, t-shirts and books anyway?

“I figured we could use a little Pleasantville in our lives.”

“Pleasantville was pretty shit under its seemingly perfect surface,” he retorted.

He couldn’t help himself. Negative replies had become second nature to him by now. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate that his mother was trying to do something nice or that he didn’t want to have a good time, it’s just that he knew that it was all going to be for nothing.

“Ben, please,” she pleaded.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

He grabbed two suitcases and trudged towards the front door with them, went back and got two more, then, to his mother’s protest, pried the last one out of her hands.

The inside of the cottage was, unbelievably, even more quaint than the outside. Everything was very homely and cosy, soft pillows and scented candles included, and all the furnishings were stuff that Ben could see were fairly new, but made to look like they were old. He had never understood that style. What was the point in buying new stuff if you wanted them to look old? Couldn’t you just buy old stuff?

“Where’s my room?” he asked.

“Down the hall, past the bathroom, if I’ve understood the layout of the house correctly.”

Ben took his suitcase and brought it with him to a small, white-painted room at the end of a narrow hallway. It barely had space for a single bed and a dresser, but Ben didn’t care much as long as he had a place to himself. He quickly unpacked, stuffed his clothes in the dresser and put the five books he had brought with him on top of it. He opened the window to let in some fresh air, then went to find his mother again.

She was moving back and forth between the joint living room and kitchen and her own bedroom on the opposite side of the cottage from his.

“Why don’t you do some exploring, while I unpack the rest of this?” Leia said, carrying a stack of clothes into her bedroom.

“I can help,” offered Ben.

Leia shook her head, smiling. “No. I appreciate the offer, but I want you out of here while I get things sorted. Come back in an hour and we can make dinner.”

Ben did as he was told, but made sure to grab one of his books before heading outside again. He had absolutely no idea where to go as he had no clue what Canto Bay had to offer. With the limited hour he had to spend, however, he eventually decided to walk down to the beach via the wooden staircase at the back of the cottage.

He was pleasantly surprised to find that the beach wasn’t remotely as crowded as he had worried it would be. Their cottage was at the far end of the right side of the bay, and no one had decided to settle down even close to their temporary home. That was, at least, something. Ben didn’t think he could have left his room the entire summer if he knew there were people sunbathing right outside their door.

Relieved, he kicked his shoes off and removed his socks, then walked barefoot down to the edge of the teal blue water that was gently rocking back and forth onto the golden sand. He felt it with his fingers first, then, realising it held a pleasant enough temperature, waded into his ankles. He stood like that for a while, gazing out at the shimmering ocean and watching the squawking seagulls soar and glide through the air, then turning to take in the scenery of Canto Bay. It was securely protected and safely hidden, with the ocean in front and forest-clad hills wrapped around its sides and back. At the other end of the bay, at the tallest hill sticking out into the sea, Ben spotted a lighthouse. It wasn't lit at the moment. He supposed he would have to wait until evening to see if it was even still in use.

Farther down the beach, he could see people, so he decided not to go that way. Instead, he moved back out of the water and sat down. He dug his naked toes into the warm, coarse sand and opened his book to read.

An hour later, he returned to the cottage, finding his mother already working on dinner.

“Am I allowed to help with this?” he asked her.

Leia winked at him. “Yes, honey, you're allowed to help with this. Here, why don't you do the vegetables, and I'll get the steaks going.”

The terrace held a spectacular view of the bay, and when they seated themselves there to enjoy their meal, she asked: “Did you go to the beach?”

Ben nodded, digging into the perfectly cooked steak. His mother was a great cook. Personally, he didn’t mind cooking, but it wasn’t exactly his forte. His vegetables, in comparison to the meat, were pretty sub-par.

“And? Was it nice?”

“It was okay,” he mumbled between mouthfuls of beef.

“Okay is better than awful,” his mother smiled tryingly. “Did you test the water? Was it temperate? I thought I might go swimming tomorrow. It isn't often I get to swim in the ocean, so I really have to make use of it while we're here.”

Leia babbled on - about the beach and the sea and the cottage and how lovely it was to get away for a few weeks. She often did that, talked to fill in the silence from Ben, who wasn't as prone to speaking anymore - at least not in depth. He didn’t mind that she did that. In fact, he appreciated it, so that he didn’t have to forcefully take part in conversations.

When he tucked himself into bed that night, Ben had forgotten about the lighthouse. He was quickly reminded, however, when he noticed a distant, sweeping light outside his window. So the lighthouse was in use. He wasn’t sure he would be able to fall asleep with that light seeping in through the cracks in his curtains, but he drifted off a lot faster than he thought he would.

 

* * *

 

The next day, after breakfast, Ben got comfortable with his book on the plushy, baby blue couch in the living room. He had sat there maybe an hour when his mother came in with a towel folded over her arm.

“I’m going to take a swim. Want to come?” she asked.

He glanced up at her. “No thanks.”

“Come on,” she tried luring him, “you can't sit here all day.”

“Where else am I supposed to go?” he shrugged.

Leia gestured towards the ocean. “Outside. We're at this lovely seaside town, with a beautiful beach. There are plenty of things you can do. At least bring your book out on the terrace and enjoy the sun.”

“I went to the beach yesterday.”

“Then how about you go into town today?” she suggested with a soft smile. “It's supposed to only be a fifteen-minute bike ride from here. Maybe you'll meet some new people.”

Ben snorted, lowering his gaze to continue reading in hopes that she would leave him alone. He didn’t want to go anywhere. He simply wanted to sit here, read his book in peace and be left to himself. “I'm good.”

There was a moment of silence before Leia spoke again. “Ben,” was all she said, but it said everything.

“What?” he snapped back. His body tensed up at the tone of her voice, readying him for an altercation.

“I don't want you to sit inside for the next four weeks.”

Gaining slightly in volume, he challenged her: “What does it matter?”

Her eyebrows slanted and she looked at him with doleful brown eyes. “It matters because I know you're not happy.”

Ben’s jaw clenched. He inhaled and exhaled deeply to try to stay calm, but there was still a sharpness to his voice when he said, “I'm fine.”

“You're not fine,” said Leia. “Honey, all I want is for you to-”

That was enough. He slammed his book shut, effectively cutting her off mid-sentence, and got to his feet. “I'm not talking about this.”

Clasping his book tightly in his hand, he headed for his room instead, silently begging for his mother to not take this any further. But it seemed she had other thoughts. Her shorter, lighter steps followed his long, heavy strides.

“At some point, you have to,” she told him. There was a certain desperation in her voice.

“No, I don't,” he replied through gritted teeth, blood pulsating in his veins now.

She sighed, heavily, and her shoulders visibly sank at the exhale. She pleaded with him: “Can we not fight on the second day we're here?”

Incredulous, Ben raised his hands, palms up. “I'm not the one picking a fight!”

Leia pinched the bridge of her nose, closing her eyes for a few seconds, then said, “Ben, please. This isn't what your dad would have wanted for you. For us.”

The anger Ben had tried to hold back while his mother had pushed the conversation on and on to this point, suddenly spilled over at the mention of his father. He threw his book into the wall with a loud smack, and he hated how his voice trembled when he yelled: “I'm not talking about him!”

He pushed past Leia into the narrow hallway, quickly making for the front door to leave, to escape, to get as far away as possible so that he didn’t have to feel like this - so that he didn’t have to feel at all. It hurt too much to talk about his father. Even hearing him mentioned in passing, was painful. Too painful to deal with. Ben wished he could erase him somehow, that he could remove all the memories he had of him. He wished he could forget because if he forgot then that all-consuming black hole inside him, might disappear.

“Where are you going?” Leia called after him.

He didn’t answer her, only tore open the front door and slammed it shut behind him. There was a moment of bewilderment before he spotted the bike leaning against the porch. He mounted it and started cycling as fast as he could up the road.

He refused to cry. Wouldn't. Couldn't. If he cried, he didn't know when he would be able to stop, and what good came of it anyway? So he bit down on the inside of his cheek, focusing all of his fury into pedalling faster.

By the time he reached the town, he had biked off most of his anger, but he was warm, sweaty and panting after the strenuous ride. In need of a breather, he got off the bike and pushed it next to him instead. He found a convenience store, bought a bottle of water and drank half of it in one go to quench his thirst.

Canto Bay was peaceful, but it wasn’t completely sleepy. There were people out and about on the streets. Still, it was small, and Ben easily navigated his way around what he supposed could be called the centre of the seaside town. It wasn’t much, only a few streets of basic shops, including a hotel and a diner. When he came upon the library, he was honestly surprised. He wouldn’t have thought such a small town had one. A school library, sure, but a public one? It actually spoke volumes about Canto Bay that they kept it running. Not many small towns like this would have prioritised financing it.

He parked his bike on the street and pushed open the heavy wood and glass door to enter a small, vintage library. The absence of air-condition was what he noticed first. The library was hot, even humid. The second thing he noticed, was that it looked to be devoid of people, even lacking a librarian. A steady hum of a table fan at the abandoned checkout desk, however, told him that someone had to be around somewhere.

He moved further in, passing the checkout desk and ran his fingertips along the spines of the books as he sauntered between tall wooden shelves. He wasn't looking for anything in particular, he wasn't even planning on borrowing anything, but it was nice to just browse. If he was lucky, something might catch his interest that he could take note of and get back to later.

“Hello.”

Ben almost yelped at the sound of a voice suddenly coming from behind him. He turned and found a pale-faced, copper-haired young man looking at him with mild curiosity through a pair of green eyes.

“Anything I can help you with?” he asked, strangely enough in an English accent.

Ben blinked at him. _He_ was the librarian? He didn't look like any librarian Ben had ever seen before. He was very young, likely no more than a year or two older than himself. And more than that, he was handsome.

“Um, I was just looking,” Ben replied in a quiet voice, finding it hard not to stare at the sylphlike young man in front of him with his sharp cheekbones and slender figure. He suddenly felt very awkward in his own broad body, realising he was still sweaty from the bike ride and hoping it didn’t show or, god forbid, that he smelled.

“You're not from here,” the young man stated.

Ben shook his head, twisting the water bottle in his hands.

“Here for the summer?”

A nod.

“And you’re looking for books so as not to die of boredom the next weeks?”

Ben hadn’t expected him to say anything like that, and so he couldn't help but huff a small laugh. He grimaced. “How did you know?”

The redhead offered him a sympathetic smile in return. “Because I live here. Canto Bay isn't exactly party city.”

Ben relaxed at that, saying: “Yeah, I'm pretty sure my mom was aiming to find the most boring place in the country.”

“She came to the right place then,” he confirmed.

Ben laughed and the young man grinned back at him.

“So, what do you like to read?” he asked, clasping his hands in front of him, looking at Ben expectantly. “Can I recommend you anything?”

“I read a lot of different stuff,” Ben shrugged. “I’ve been really into fantasy lately, though.”

“Ah, a fellow escapist,” he let out. He beckoned for Ben to follow him as he stepped around the shelf they were currently standing at, walking over to another in the corner, labelled _Fantasy._

“It’s not an extensive collection by any means, but fantasy isn’t in high demand among the older generation, and the kids sadly don’t use the library much. You’re the youngest patron that’s been in here in a while, apart from myself,” he explained, crouching down to pull out a book with what looked like a severed tail on the front cover. “But, because I work here, I have been able to sneak in a few personal favourites.”

He handed Ben the book: _Odin’s Child._

“There are three books in the series, but you can only borrow one at a time,” he said.

“Why?” Ben frowned.

“Because then you have to come back every time you finish one,” he smiled and walked towards the checkout desk.

Ben was glad he turned his back to him. He might not have meant it the way Ben took it, but he blushed nonetheless.

“I need you to fill this out,” he told him, using long, slim fingers to push a registration form across the desk.

Ben filled out his details, writing as neatly as he could, then handed the form back to the young librarian. He typed everything into the computer, and as he did, his side-swept ginger hair moved softly in the gentle breeze from the table fan.

“There you go, Solo comma Ben,” he said cheekily once the book had been registered, handing it back to him.

“Yeah, I don’t really use Solo comma,” said Ben, hoping he might come off as funny.

One side of the young man’s mouth quirked up. “Okay, _Ben._ My name is Hux.”

“Hux?” It was a strange name he had never heard before, but he didn’t comment on it.

“It’s my surname. My first name is Armitage, but everyone’s always called me Hux, so it’s what I use.”

Ben nodded in understanding, biting his bottom lip. He tried to search for something more he could say to keep the conversation going but came up short. So instead, he just waved the book. “I should probably go. Thanks for the recommendation though.”

The young man - Hux - put his elbow on the desk and placed his chin in the palm of his hand, glancing up at him. “You're welcome. I hope you enjoy it. And, I'll see you when you come back for the second one.”

“Definitely,” Ben smiled a little shyly.

He didn’t quite feel like going home just yet once he stepped outside again, so he spent some more time walking aimlessly around the little town centre, pushing the bike next to him. He thought about Hux. He was a little strange but no less attractive for that reason. Quite the opposite, actually. He wondered how he had ended up in this town, as he clearly wasn’t from here, but now called it home. Ben kind of felt sorry for him. Imagine having to move to Canto Bay. He could stand it for one summer, but actually live here? No way. He needed the buzz and the noise and the possibility to disappear that New York offered him, and he was glad that his mother had decided not to move after his father had-

...after his father.

Ben shook his head free of those thoughts. He wasn’t going there. Definitely not.

Instead, he found a small park on the other side of the town centre, where he settled in the blissfully cool shade from a twisted oak tree and decided to start the book Hux had recommended him. Escapism, he had called it. Maybe he was right, but was it so bad to escape into a different world when the one he was living in was dealing him crappy cards? Was it so bad to dive into a fantasy and be happy for the time he remained there?

He got almost a hundred pages into the book, basically devouring it, when he realised the sun was hanging low enough in the cloudless sky for his mother to likely have already started dinner. It was peaceful to sit alone in the park, but he couldn’t stay away forever. He couldn’t leave her alone. As angry as she sometimes made him, he always felt bad after they had fought.

Keeping a tight hold on the book, Ben mounted the bike and cycled back to the beach cottage.

“Mom?” he called when he walked in the door.

“In here.”

The reply came from the kitchen nook. He had been right. She was just finishing up dinner, chicken salad, and she had made plenty - more than enough for the both of them. Leaning on the narrow kitchen island, he watched her as she finished up. She didn’t look at him, but Ben still noticed it. Her eyes were puffy. She had been crying.

She didn’t ask if he was having any food, simply found two plates and piled two servings on one of them, pushing it towards Ben, who accepted it silently and somewhat hesitantly. He then followed her out onto the terrace, where they sat down opposite each other in the woven chairs.

They ate to the sound of the high tide coming in, lazy waves lapping at the beach as the seagulls continued their neverending complaining above them.

Ben knew he had to say something, and eventually, he opened his mouth to apologise. “I'm sorry about earlier,” he muttered.

Leia finally met his eyes, enabling Ben to really see her face. She looked tired, but she still gave him a smile when she said, “It's okay. I shouldn't have pushed you. I know you don’t like to talk about him.”

Ben swallowed. Even that little mention hurt, but he pushed it away. “I shouldn’t have lost my temper. I just-”

He didn’t finish the sentence, because he didn’t know how to.

“I know, Ben. I know,” she said, leaning back and tucking her greying hair behind her ear.

She tried to understand him, he knew that. But she wasn’t able to grasp why he acted the way he sometimes did, and he couldn’t explain his anger. It was just something that was a part of him now, and this was how it always went. She would try to make him talk about his father, he would refuse, then she would push him and he would get angry. Rinse and repeat. They never seemed to be able to move past that.

Carefully then, Leia asked: “Did you… do anything special today?”

Ben relaxed at her olive branch of a question, and when he did, the tension between them drained away. He pulled his legs up in the chair, caressing his own ankles, then told her about the town centre and the library, and he showed her the book he had borrowed. But he didn’t say anything about the handsome ginger he had talked to. Hux would remain a secret for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 is already finished. I'll post that in a few days!


	2. Chapter 2

Ben tried to make an effort with his mother the next few days. Instead of sitting inside, he brought the book Hux had recommended out to the terrace and read there instead. He even went with her down to the beach a couple of times. He didn’t swim, as she did, but he sat in the warm sand reading his book or listening to his music. In return, Leia didn’t push him to do anything else or bring up the topic of his father. At least not for now.

The book had Ben engulfed, and he was more or less glued to it so to finish it as fast as possible, even staying up way into the small hours of the night. When his mother asked, he said it was because the story was so thrilling, and it was, but he was undeniably keen to get back to the library to talk to Hux again as well.

It took him three days of binge-reading to finish the book, and when he did, at two o’clock in the morning, he was annoyed that he had to wait several hours before he could go to the library. He ended up lying awake for another hour just staring up at the ceiling before he was able to fall asleep.

The next morning, he quickly got dressed, putting on a pair of black cut-off jean shorts and a basic black t-shirt. His hair had gotten pretty long over the last few months, and although he normally wore it down because it provided him with the possibility to hide behind it, he decided to pull it into a small bun at the back of his head today.

The breakfast cereal was practically inhaled, before he, already halfway out the door, called to his mother out on the terrace: “I'm going into town!”

“Okay, have fun!” her voice returned just before he closed the front door behind him.

He mounted the bike and started on the way into town, making sure that the bike ride didn't take too much out of him, like last time. He didn't want to show up all sweaty and gross again. Still, it was impossible not to get a little winded and warm, so when he parked the bike outside the library, he waited for a couple of minutes until his breath had calmed down and his body temperature had decreased before he went inside.

This time, Hux was sitting behind the checkout desk when he entered, staring at the computer screen. The bright light from the monitor made him appear even paler than Ben remembered. He looked very serious like that, with his golden brows softly knitted in concentration.

“Hi,” said Ben.

Hux looked up at the greeting, and when he saw Ben, a smile replaced his serious expression, brightening up his face and making Ben’s stomach tumble.

“That didn't take long,” he commented.

“I’m a quick reader,” Ben shrugged, putting the book down on the checkout desk, pushing it towards Hux. “Also, I may or may not have stayed up through the night because it was that exciting.”

Hux chuckled at that, took the book and scanned it, then found another book lying behind him. It was the second in the series: _The Rot_. Pictured on the cover was a bloodied skeleton beak.

“Did you hold it for me?” asked Ben.

“I did,” Hux confirmed. “I didn’t expect anyone else to come by and check them out, but just in case.”

“Do you have the third one back there as well?”

“I do.”

“But I can’t have it, because I have to come back, right?”

“You’re absolutely right,” he smiled. Somewhat secretively, Ben thought.

He didn’t mind that Hux wanted him to come back. In fact, he very much liked that he did, no matter the reason. He wanted to come too, even if it was just for a quick, casual conversation and the possibility to admire his good looks for a few minutes. Those few minutes sadly seemed to be up now though. Ben had gotten what he came for, and he wasn’t smooth or confident enough to keep the conversation going.

“Anyway,” said Ben, taking a step backwards to leave.

Without hesitation, Hux said, “You can stay if you want.”

Ben blinked. “Stay?”

“Yes. Here. With me.” Then he added: “Unless you have somewhere else to be, of course.”

He smirked as he said it, looking devilishly playful as if he knew that Ben didn’t have anywhere better to be. And he probably did know, considering their conversation a few days ago.

Again, Ben didn’t know if he meant it the way he took it, and again, he blushed, and he really hated how he was incapable of acting cool around boys he found attractive. Hux probably thought he was an idiot now for blushing at a friendly request and was regretting asking him to stay at all.

“I don’t want to speak badly of the library, but it does get a little tedious being here all alone day after day. It’s nice to talk to someone who has similar interests,” he said as if sensing Ben’s insecurity.

“Sure,” Ben finally replied, hoping he sounded appropriately casual.

There wasn’t anywhere to sit, so he leaned against the desk with his hip.

“Good,” said Hux, seemingly satisfied. He pushed his chair back, crossed his legs and folded his long fingers around his knee. His wrists were so slim and the skin on his arms so pale, Ben would have been inclined to believe it if Hux told him he had never been exposed to sunlight.

“In fear of asking an awfully average question,” Hux began, and Ben’s eyes snapped up from staring at his arms to meet his gaze. “Where are you from?”

“You’re asking _me_ where _I’m_ from?” Ben couldn’t help but find the question amusing.

Hux arched his eyebrows at him. “Yes? Is that question off limits?”

“No, I just feel like I should be asking you that.”

Hux cocked his head, his side swept-bangs falling forward. He pushed them back again with a graceful hand. “I thought it was obvious, but alright, I’ll go first then. I’m from a small, rainy place in England called Arkanis. It is, believe it or not, more boring than Canto Bay.”

Ben smiled crookedly, shifting his position against the desk, daring to halfway sit on top of it. “I’m from New York, which is probably the least boring place in the world.”

Hux leaned forward in his chair then. “Really? Born and raised?”

“Mhm. Ever been?”

Hux shook his head. “No, but I’ll be visiting very soon. I’m starting university there this semester.”

Ben almost gaped at him as he suddenly imagined himself together with Hux in the city, taking him to all his favourite places. He quickly looked at the floor, instantly regretting his decision to put his hair in a bun that morning, as he now couldn’t shrug it in front of his face to hide the shame over his stupid, premature fantasy.

“That’s… cool,” he mumbled, sounding exceptionally unenthusiastic in his attempt to not sound overenthusiastic.

“How about you?” asked Hux. He didn’t seem affected by Ben’s unintentional carelessness. “Are you starting university, or-?”

Ben looked up at him again. He wore a gentle smile, making him relax a little. “I wish. I still have my senior year to go.”

Hux kept asking him questions and Ben returned them. Soon enough he had learned that Hux wasn’t actually a librarian, but had worked at the library as an assistant since he was 15; that he was going to study mechanical engineering, and by that told Ben that he was even smarter than his vibe gave off, and it intimidated him a little; and that he owned a cat named Millicent. He pulled his phone out at that point, showing Ben a photo of a  ginger shorthair tabby with green eyes. Ben thought it was cute that he owned a cat that looked just like himself, but he didn’t say that.

He stayed until Hux was finished for the day, and by that time he had moved onto actually sitting on the checkout desk with his feet dangling off it. He waited for Hux to close up the library before intending to say his goodbyes, but Hux spoke before he could.

“I know I keep saying it’s so boring here, but there are actually things to do,” he said, securely pocketing the keys to the library in his chinos. He had them neatly rolled up at the ankles, exposing just a hint of red leg hair.

Ben made a face. “I’m not sure I believe you.”

“I’ll prove it to you,” Hux said confidently.

“How?” Ben questioned him jokingly.

“I’m meeting some friends at the beach after work tomorrow. You can come along.”

“Friends?”

Ben was suddenly sceptical. He was just getting to know Hux, whom he liked and wouldn’t mind going to the beach with, but friends were different. Friends meant that he had to deal with more people, and he really sucked at dealing with more than one person at a time. He could barely deal with himself, for god’s sake.

“They’re very nice, I promise,” Hux told him. Then he added jokingly: “Well, Phasma can be a little brash, but she means well.”

“I’m not-” Ben started, swallowed and then bit his lip before he was able to continue. “I’m not great with people.”

It was a pathetic fact that hadn’t always been true. He used to have quite a few good friends, but he had pulled away from all of them after his father. And while they had tried to be understanding of his moods and give him his space in the beginning, they had slowly disappeared out of his life completely when his moods got worse and that space he was craving only grew bigger.

Hux studied him for a minute, soft green eyes looking him over. He didn’t come off as scrutinizing, but Ben still felt awkward under his gaze. He was a lot more open and forward than he was.

“How about this: you can come to the library again tomorrow and hang out with me, and then you can decide if you want to come with me or not after?”

Ben stared at him, baffled by his suggestion; by how he had actually bothered to come up with something to try to keep him comfortable.

“Um, yeah, I guess I - I mean, I can do that,” he finally replied, wanting to kick himself for not being able to form a proper sentence.

“Great,” said Hux. “See you tomorrow then.”

He started walking away, in the opposite direction of where Ben was going, but before he had gotten very far, he turned and called back to him: “Bring your swim trunks, just in case!”

Ben gave a wave in confirmation before he got on his bike and started on his way back to the cottage. He didn’t notice that he smiled all the way there.

 

* * *

 

Ben packed a bag the next day, containing both swim trunks, a towel and sunscreen. He told himself that he was going to go to the beach that afternoon and that it wouldn’t be a problem, but in reality, he was more than uncomfortable at the thought of having to socialise with several other people he had never met before. Frankly, although he would never admit to it, he was a little scared. Kids his own age were always so loud and all over the place, and he wasn’t like that. Not anymore anyway.

But he still packed the bag and cycled into town again to see Hux. If he chickened out later, at least he had gotten to hang out with him.

“I half expected you to show up today with the second book finished,” said Hux when he entered the library.

He smiled warmly. He was one of those people, Ben had noticed, that looked super serious when he wasn’t smiling, but when he did, his entire face lit up.

“I’m not that quick,” commented Ben, taking a seat on the checkout desk.

They got back to asking each other questions again, and the more they talked, the more Ben loosened up in Hux’s presence. But he still acted a little stiff. Mostly because he felt a certain need to impress him, which was weird and kind of nice at the same time. It was a while since he had liked someone enough to want to make himself look good to them.

Two patrons came by that day, one of them an elderly woman who gave Ben an absolute death glare when she spotted him sitting on the desk, making him slide off it and go hide among the shelves. And while he stood there, like an absolute coward, he heard her tell Hux off.

“Did I get you in trouble?” Ben asked guiltily after she had left.

Hux shrugged. “Don’t worry. She always complains. If you hadn't been here, she would have complained about something else. Like my hair…”

“You hair?” frowned Ben, daring to take his place on the desk again when Hux patted it.

“She says it reminds her of my father,” he explained, rolling his eyes.

“And?”

“He isn't very popular among some of the locals.”

“Why?” Ben inquired.

Hux sighed. “Because they feel like he bulldozed into their town and made free with it. He's the principal of Canto Bay high school, and he's running it like you would expect an ex-army man previously in charge of a cadet school to run it. A lot of people don't like that. What they forget, or ignore, is that he also raised the school's average GPA level significantly within record time and that he's donated a fair amount of money to upgrade the school.”

Ben stared at him. “Your dad’s the principal? How weird is that?”

“That’s what you got from all that?” Hux laughed. “It didn’t exactly make me popular. I’ve been in the loser gang all through high school, and it’s my loser friends you’ll be meeting after.” He looked at Ben tentatively. “If you’re coming?”

Ben couldn't be sure, but Hux actually sounded hopeful, and how could he say no when someone like him wanted him to come?

“I think I am, yes,” he confirmed, earning a grin from Hux in return.

Hux allowed Ben to use the library's employee lavatory to change into his swim trunks, before doing the same himself. Then they walked alongside each other down to the beach, Ben pulling his bike next to him. He was still feeling a little anxious, but it helped that Hux seemed to be happy to have him there.

After locking up Ben’s bike, they entered the beach at the opposite end of the bay from where Ben and his mother were staying, a good distance from their cottage. A fair amount of people were enjoying the sizzling afternoon sun, lying lazily and immobile in the sand or splashing around in the cool ocean waves.

Hux thankfully moved away from those people and brought Ben to the far end of the bay, by the side of the hill with the lighthouse. Two people were waiting there: one surprisingly tall and striking blonde girl in a silver bathing suit, and one skinny, serious-looking boy with dark brown hair.

The blonde girl waved when she spotted them, and Hux waved back.

When they reached them, Hux, pointing to the blonde girl first, made introductions: “Phasma, Doph: this is Ben. He's here for the summer. Ben, this is Phasma and Doph.” Then he added: “Play nice, Phasma.”

Phasma glared at Hux, placing her hands on her hips. Turning to Ben, she said with an arched eyebrow and confident smile: “I'm always nice.”

Hux hadn't been wrong. She did come off brash and slightly intimidating, and Ben didn't know what else to do but go along with whatever she said.

“I believe you.”

Doph, on the other hand, had a completely different demeanour. He seemed almost opposite of Phasma, quiet and timid, and he greeted Ben with a simple hi.

Ben was glad that there weren't more than two of them. He should be able to deal with this.

Hux spread his towel out on the beach before he proceeded to remove his polo shirt, granting Ben to a view of his narrow frame partially unclothed. He tried not to stare too openly, but while he put his own towel down next to Hux’s, his eyes continuously flickered over to him: to a soft belly, a flat chest with pink, protruding rosebuds, and almost ghostlike skin.

He swallowed, willing himself not to let his thoughts travel too far, as this was not the time and definitely not the place for his body to have an unwelcome reaction. Instead, he tore his own t-shirt off, dug out the sunscreen from his backpack, sat down and started applying it.

On the far end, Doph had put sunglasses on and was sitting cross-legged, chatting to Phasma, who had lied back down on her towel to soak up the scorching sun.

Hux was rummaging through his bag, apparently looking for something. Eventually, he gave up, groaned and turned to his friends.

“Did any of you guys bring sunscreen? I forgot mine at home.”

Phasma propped herself up on her elbow, went for her bag, but then her eyes landed on Ben and she pulled her hand back again. Instead, she pointed to him.

“Ben has sunscreen. I'm sure you can borrow his,” she said.

Hux met Ben's eyes, and he apologetically explained: “I turn into a cooked lobster if I don't use it.”

“Oh yeah, sure,” said Ben, handing him the sunscreen.

Hux smiled gratefully, applying the lotion generously to his body. When the only thing left to be covered was his back, he turned to where Phasma had just been sitting. But she was halfway down to the water, her hand clasped around Doph's wrist, pulling him along after her.

“Do you mind?” Hux asked, turning his back to Ben, handing him back the sunscreen.

Ben blinked, feeling his mouth go dry.

“Um, yeah,” he murmured.

“You do mind?” Hux questioned him, eyeing him over his shoulder.

“No, I meant, yeah as in no. I mean, as in I'll do it.”

Hux smiled and Ben wanted to punch himself. To avoid further embarrassment, he grabbed the sunscreen, squeezed a fair amount into the palms of his hands, rubbing them together, and started applying it to Hux's back.

He started with his shoulders, and as he ran his hands over them, he noticed they were lightly dusted with freckles. Mesmerised by the beauty marks, he spent a little longer than needed rubbing the lotion onto them.

Hux was warm and soft, and as Ben moved his hands down his back, he could feel the muscles and bones under his skin, the sharp points of his shoulder blades and the trail of his spine down to the dimples on his lower back.

“Thank you,” said Hux when Ben finished (all too soon, but then again, Ben could have continued touching him forever). Then: “Turn around.”

Ben heeded his command, his stomach clenching pleasantly when Hux’s nimble hands returned the favour and rubbed sunscreen onto his back. Goosebumps formed on his skin, and he should perhaps be ashamed of how receptive he was to his touch, but he was too busy enjoying the sensation of it.

Phasma and Doph conveniently returned from the water not long after, and Ben realised they had probably disappeared on purpose. As awkward as the sunscreen session had started out, it had ended rather nicely, and he decided then that he liked them both.

“Were you all in the same grade?” Ben asked Hux when they had gathered again.

Hux shook his head. “Phasma and I were, but Doph's a year younger. Same as you.”

Doph looked at Ben with a somewhat hopeless expression. “They're leaving me behind to fend for myself next year. I can't say I'm looking forward to it.”

“Don't worry, Doph, you'll be fine. You're a fast runner,” Phasma laughed.

He groaned, hiding his face in his hands, and Ben realised he was expressing real concern. Hux had mentioned they were the “loser gang” at school, but he didn't actually know what that meant. Had they been bullied? To his surprise, Phasma, who had initially poked fun at him, put his arm around him.

“Seriously though, if anyone tries anything, I'm just a phone call away, and I will come back here and kick their asses,” she reassured him.

Doph smiled and so did Hux.

“Phasma is a little protective of us,” Hux explained. “She's like our big sister.”

As if on cue, Phasma's bright blue eyes zeroed in on Ben. He was sure she was going to give him some kind of warning to keep himself in line or stop thinking about Hux that way (because she clearly knew), but instead, she said: “Don't worry, you're fine.”

Hux leaned in on Ben, his shoulder brushing against his. “You should feel honoured. She usually doesn't take to people this fast.”

Ben wasn't sure what to say or do, so he just nodded, smiling gently. But he did feel a certain pride in knowing Phasma had accepted him, considering how protective she clearly was.

“Hux mentioned you're from New York?” said Doph a little later.

Ben nodded.

He threw a quick look over at Hux. “You know he’s moving there this fall, right?”

“He said so, yes.”

“Well, that’s convenient,” commented Phasma, shoving an elbow into Hux’s side, who yelped. Once he had collected himself, he shoved her right back.

“Very,” Doph agreed.

“You can show him around when he gets there,” continued Phasma. She grinned as she grabbed Hux’s wrists and held onto them so he couldn’t push her anymore.

“Take him on a tour,” added Doph with a hint of a smile on his face.

Phasma smirked. “Or a da-”

Hux managed to break free of her grip just then, slamming a fist into Phasma’s upper arm with an impressive strength Ben never would have thought him capable of. Phasma cackled from laughter as he fought her to the ground, and Ben rather enjoyed seeing Hux, who so far had come off as very calm and collected, act what surely looked to be a little flustered.

They spent hours together on the beach that day, relaxing and chatting, sunbathing and swimming. Even though they didn’t do that much, it was still the most entertaining day Ben had had in a long time, and he genuinely enjoyed himself.

By the time they packed up their things, it had started to darken. The sun painted the sky orange and red as it slowly descended on the horizon, and there were only a few beachgoers left.

Phasma and Doph said their goodbyes as Ben went to get his bike, waving as they started on their way home, but Hux hung back.

“I'll walk you home,” he said. He was leaning against the railing that Ben's bike was chained to, looking casual. His normally well-kept copper hair was a charming tangled mess after having been exposed to the wind and salt water. And despite having made ample use of Ben’s sunscreen, he had still managed to get a slight burn on his nose and forehead.

“It's on the other side of the bay. You don’t have to do that,” Ben let him know. He didn't want Hux to go out of his way just for him, even if it would definitely be nice to spend some more time alone with him.

“I know.”

Hux smiled softly back at him and Ben's stomach gave a churn as he understood that he actually wanted to walk him back.

They walked slowly. Ben was on Hux's left side, which put his bike between them, and he regretted positioning himself in such a way that he couldn't even accidentally make physical contact with him. He wanted to switch sides, but he couldn't figure out a way to do that without coming off as too obvious, so he stayed put.

“I’m sorry if Phasma and Doph were a little much. They like to tease,” said Hux. He tried to push his now dishevelled hair back and smooth it into place, but he failed and gave up.

“It's okay. They were fine,” Ben assured him.

“Yeah? It wasn't too much for you?” He met Ben's gaze and he suddenly looked a little uncertain.

Ben shook his head. “No, I liked them.”

He smiled again. “I'm happy you did.”

It took them close to half an hour to get back to the cottage.

“Do you have to walk all the way back home now?” Ben asked when they were standing at the white picket fence.

“Yeah, but that's okay.”

Ben had made sure to prop his bike up against the fence so they could stand a little closer to each other. They were just a couple of feet apart and Ben could, if he dared, stretch his hand out for Hux and grab his, or push that hair away from his face that kept falling into his eyes.

He didn't dare.

“Where do you live anyway?” he asked, running his hand through his own hair instead.

Hux nodded towards where they had come from. “On the other side of the bay, not too far away from the high school.”

“Does it look like this?” Ben grimaced, gesturing to the cottage.

Hux chuckled. “No, our house is pretty normal. The beach cottages are kind of famous for looking like this. It makes big city people like you want to rent them.”

“Like my mom, you mean. I would never voluntarily rent this.”

Hux shrugged, then looked down at the tips of his own shoes. He was wearing Converse, just like Ben, but unlike his black, Hux's white were neatly kept and looked almost new.

“Well, I'm glad she decided to do that. And” - his eyes flickered up to meet Ben's - “I'm glad you decided to come to the beach today.”

Shyly, but warmly, Ben smiled at him. “I'm glad I came.”


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Ben was woken by a gentle knock on his bedroom door. He groaned a little, his eyes fluttering open to a bright, sunlit room. He gave a quick glance at the clock on his phone: 11.32 am. It wasn’t even remotely as early as his brain tried to tell him it was, and he was honestly shocked he had been able to sleep in for that long. He rubbed his face with both hands to force himself out of this sleepy state, feeling a light stubble on his cheeks and chin as he did.

“Yeah?” he murmured groggily.

Leia opened the door and poked her head in. She was wearing a strange smile. “Someone’s here to see you,” she told him. She sounded oddly content.

“What?” he asked confused, propping himself up on his elbow.

“Some Armitage Hux?”

It took his still sleepy brain a few seconds to understand what she was actually telling him, but when it did, Ben was suddenly very much awake.

“What?!” he repeated, louder this time. A distinct feeling of panic set in when he realised that Hux was at the door, probably looking handsome and perfect, while he was still in bed wearing only his boxers. His hair was a mess, his sad excuse of a beard had to be shaved and he needed a shower. Hux couldn’t see him like this.

He practically bounced out of bed, slamming the door in his mother’s face, who he swore he heard chuckle on the other side.

“I’ll tell him you’ll be right out, shall I?” she called through the door.

Ben cursed to himself, grabbing a new set of underwear, a pair of shorts and his Darth Vader t-shirt (his favourite) from the dresser. He cracked the bedroom door open, found no one in the hallway, then quickly ran into the bathroom where he jumped in the combined tub and shower that had never been built for someone of his height.

The shower was quick, and he got dressed at an equal pace. He still needed to shave though. These three-day patches of stubble on his face weren’t particularly flattering. He couldn’t wait for the day when his beard would grow properly in; when he would look scruffy cool if he skipped shaving, instead of just scruffy, as he did now.

He padded some shaving cream on his damp skin, then ran the razor over it. Slowly, like his father once taught him. You couldn’t rush shaving, he had pointed out to Ben when he was little and still years from hitting puberty but had let Ben pretend-shave next to him in his and Leia’s en suite bathroom. You couldn’t rush it, or you would end up-

“Shit,” Ben let out as he angled the razor wrong and made a small but sharp cut at his right jawline.

Blood trickled out and Ben hurried to find a piece of toilet paper to press against the nick in his skin. Carefully, he finished the rest of his face without further incident. He found a pack of band-aids in one of Leia’s three toiletry bags and put a small one over his newly made cut.

He sighed in exasperation as he looked at his reflection in the mirror. This was just great. Now Hux would really think he was a disaster - some idiot who couldn’t even shave properly.

When he stepped out of the bathroom, he found Hux leaning on the narrow kitchen island, a glass of cucumber water in his hand. Leia was standing on the opposite side of him, sipping from a glass with similar contents.

Hux’s gorgeous, slightly sunburnt face turned in Ben’s direction at the sound of his heavy feet entering the joined living room and kitchen. Ben had never been particularly stealthy. He couldn’t sneak up on anyone even if he tried.

Hux’s smile widened at the sight of him before his eyes narrowed slightly, going to the band-aid on his jawline, and Ben, embarrassed, shot his hand up to cover it.

“Hi,” said Hux.

“Hi,” Ben replied, noticing how his mother was paying close attention to the two of them. He needed to get Hux out of there, quickly.

“I’m not working today, so I was wondering if you wanted to hang out?”

Of course Ben wanted to hang out. He would pretty much do anything if Hux asked. If it meant spending time with him and, especially, if it meant getting to touch him again. Not that he dared take that sort of initiative, but he could always hope Hux needed someone to rub sunscreen on him again.

Ben nodded, smiling, but not too wide because of Leia’s eagle eyes. “Let’s go outside.”

He made for the door, waiting for Hux, whom he heard thanking Leia for the drink before he followed Ben.

“Your mom told me I woke you up. Sorry about that,” Hux said once they were outside. He looked genuinely apologetic.

“Don't worry about it. I had obviously overslept,” Ben assured him. He made his way around the cottage, to the stairs leading down to the beach. “Do you want to, um, take a walk on the beach?”

It sounded cheesy, somehow, to ask that question. It was what people did in romance movies. But the beach was literally right there, and if it happened to be a little bit romantic, then Ben guessed it could be worse.

“I would love to,” Hux replied, making Ben's stomach flip again at his sincere willingness to want to be around him.

Once down on the beach, Hux removed the Converse Ben didn't understand how he managed to keep so clean. White wasn't really his colour, but if it had been, he still couldn’t own a pair of white Converse. They would get dirty in no time.

Ben followed Hux's lead, removing his own pair. It was better to be barefoot in the warm sand anyway. They both carried their shoes in their hands as they strolled leisurely alongside one another. Hux walked close enough for his arm to brush against Ben's, his warm skin making the hair on Ben's arm stand up in excitement at the light touch. How he wished he could press his full arm up against him.

“Have you seen the dolphins yet?” Hux asked him.

“Dolphins?” Ben echoed.

“Mhm,” Hux nodded. “They come into the bay at sundown sometimes to play. They're beautiful.”

You're beautiful, thought Ben as he watched how the sun masterfully turned his copper hair a flaming gold.

“No, I haven't.”

Were there more freckles covering the bridge of his nose today? Or was the sunburn just highlighting the ones that were already there?

“Keep an eye out for them,” he said. And then, out of nowhere, he grabbed Ben's wrist and pulled him with him towards the water. “Come on!”

Ben's wrist flared up at the touch and he let himself be dragged - to Hell if need be if that was where Hux wanted to take him. They tossed their shoes on the shore and entered the ocean, where Hux playfully kicked in Ben's direction, showering him with salt water.

Ben gaped at him.

“Ops,” said Hux sweetly, but there was a mischievous smirk playing at the corners of his mouth.

“Okay,” Ben confirmed. “If that's how you want it.”

Hux eyed him, waiting for him to make a move. He was still dry, but Ben had every intention of getting him back. Hux had no idea how strong his competitive instinct was. He waited for the right moment, tricking Hux into thinking he was moving in a certain direction, and just as Hux tried to duck to the left to escape him, Ben sent a cascade of water at him, successfully drenching his entire backside.

“You!” Hux threatened as Ben laughed. “You're in for it now.”

Using both hands and feet, Hux sent wave upon wave of water at Ben, and Ben returned as good as he got. Soon enough they were both soaked through, laughing as they splashed each other. Until Hux suddenly grabbed both of Ben's wrists and held them tight.

“I've got you now,” he said triumphantly.

Ben, who was easily stronger than Hux and who was still being driven by his impulse to win, broke free of the hold. Instead, he grabbed Hux's wrists and held onto him.

“No, I've got  _ you _ ,” he pointed out with a confidence he could never have pulled off if he thought this was anything but a continuation of their game.

He didn't realise that it had become something else entirely until he met Hux's spring green eyes and noticed how they sparkled brightly as they fixated on Ben's own. Hux blinked slowly, his red lashes sweeping softly over his skin.

Breath catching in his throat, Ben stared back at Hux in awe, realising he was probably looking at the most beautiful boy he had and would ever lay his eyes on: at his pale, beauty-marked skin, his sharpened cheekbones and his cushioned pink lips. He desperately wanted to kiss him.

Ben let go of the hold on Hux's wrists, and Hux let a hand trail up his arm. He swallowed in anticipation as goosebumps formed in the wake of his fingers.

When he reached the side of his neck, Hux's hand came to a rest. He stroked his thumb over the sensitive skin there, making Ben's body temperature increase dangerously. He huffed out a breath.

Hux's thumb moved up to the hinge of his jaw, running it along the curve down towards his chin.

Ben hissed and reflexively jerked his head away as Hux's thumb made contact with the band-aid and the cut it was covering. Some of the water must have made its way under the band-aid, and the salt of it stung at Hux's touch.

“I'm sorry,” Hux apologised, immediately pulling his hand back at Ben's reaction. His eyes suddenly showed worry, even guilt.

And just like that, the moment between them was broken because Ben had been an idiot that morning.

Ben shook his head almost frantically, afraid Hux would get the wrong idea; that he would think Ben hadn't liked that he had touched him. “No-no, it's just this stupid shaving cut,” he grumbled.

Hux visibly relaxed at that, a soft smile appearing on his face again.

They made their way out of the water, both of them sitting down in the comfortably warm sand to dry off in the sweltering sun.

“I actually came here to ask you something,” said Hux. He still looked painfully handsome, even after their tumble in the water and with his hair now dripping down his face and sand sticking to his clothes.

Ben ran a hand through his own soggy hair, pushing it out of his face. He looked at Hux questioningly, wondering what he wanted.

Wrapping his arms around his knees, Hux squinted at the sun and said, “Fourth of July is just a couple of days away, and I was wondering if you wanted to spend it with Phasma, Doph and I? Everyone celebrates on the beach here. There's a bonfire, barbecues, and fireworks, of course. It’s a lot of fun.”

Something painful jabbed at Ben’s gut at the mention of Fourth of July, and he was suddenly reminded of something he was dreading but had tried not to think about.

This would be his first Independence Day without his father, a day that brought too many memories of picnics and laughs and silly pranks that would never happen again. Since he was little, his father had bought firecrackers for Fourth of July, and every year they used them to scare his mother. Leia hated the firecrackers with a passion and she would always yell at them for scaring her, threatening to cancel the celebrations if they didn’t stop. But she never followed through and next year, they were back at it again.

“Ben?”

Hux’s voice ripped Ben out of the past and back into the present. He shook his head to get rid of the remnants of his memories and ran a hand over his face.

“What?”

“Are you okay?” asked Hux. He sounded concerned and there was a slight frown on his face.

Ben swallowed hard, then forced a smile. “I’m sorry, I just zoned out.”

It didn’t look like Hux believed him at first but then his facial expression softened. “You don’t have to hang out with us if you don’t want to,” he pointed out.

Was Ben reading him completely wrong, or was there a sliver of disappointment in what he just said?

“No,” he said quickly. “I want to.”

And he did. He really did.

Another genuine smile from Hux made heat spread in Ben’s chest, and he thought that maybe, just maybe, he would be okay if only Hux kept smiling at him like that.

 

* * *

 

On the morning of Fourth of July, Ben went for a run. It was really too hot for it, but he couldn’t stay in the cottage. It was too silent and filled with too much tension. And although neither he nor his mother said anything at breakfast, it was clear that both of them were feeling it, and there was no doubt what, or rather who was on their minds.

He hadn’t brought his running shoes with him, but Ben didn’t care. He just needed to get away. So he ran into town and back to the cottage again, where he continued sprinting up and down the stairs leading to the beach until he was dizzy from the heat and heaving for air.

When he finally went back inside, drenched in sweat, he found the door to Leia’s bedroom closed. He wasn't sure what she was doing in there, but he could guess. He couldn't think about it though, so he quickly disappeared into the bathroom where he took a long shower. Afterwards, he followed his mother’s example and barricaded himself in his bedroom, where he distracted himself with continuing the second book in the series Hux had recommended him. And because the sound of sloshing waves and complaining seagulls coming through the open window weren't enough to drown out his own thoughts, he stuck his earphones in and cranked up the volume of Marilyn Manson.

It was close to five o'clock and Ben was three chapters away from finishing the book when his door opened. Leia was standing there with wet hair loosely done up in a clip. She wasn't wearing any makeup and she had put on her most relaxed clothes. She clearly had no intentions of going anywhere tonight.

Ben pulled the earphones out of his ears.

“I knocked but you didn’t answer,” she said, uncharacteristically apologetic.

“It’s okay,” he replied. He dangled his earphones in her direction to show he hadn't heard.

“Dinner?”

“Yeah,” he nodded.

Leia had been to the mall outside of Canto Bay the day before, stacking up on more food, and she had brought home pork chops, sweet corn and ingredients for a potato salad she had spent last night making. The plan was to finally make use of the grill.

The food preparations were made in silence. Leia grilled the pork chops and the sweet corn, while Ben set the table. It wasn't anything fancy, but his mother had bought stars and stripes napkins that he put on their plates.

The meal was no chattier than the rest of the day had been, but when they were finished, Leia looked at Ben and said: “Why are you here?”

Not understanding the question, Ben frowned at her. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, why are you here with me when you should be with your new friend?” She smiled tenderly, knowingly.

“I-”

“Go,” she told him, nodding her head in the direction of the beach. “I don’t mind being alone.”

He hesitated only for a second before he got up from the table. He tried not to come across as too eager, but there was an undeniable and unusual bounce to his step when he made for the door.

The sun was setting as Ben walked along the beach from the cottage, heading in the direction of the opposite side of the bay, where Hux had told him he, Phasma and Doph would be. It was a beautiful vision of pink and peach that reflected in the gently rocking waves of the ocean.

The beach was riddled with people - so many that Ben was sure the entire town of Canto Bay must be there. Most of them had settled down on blankets and were enjoying food and drinks, while children chased each other around on the sandy shore, squealing with delight. Several groups of people had dug fire pits into the sand, using them for barbecuing. The massive bonfire, set up in the middle of the beach, seemed to just have been lit, but the dancing flames were already reaching high into the darkening sky. 

Ben spotted Hux, Phasma and Doph before they saw him. The three of them were relaxing around their own fire pit, roasting marshmallows. Hux sat cross-legged with his back against Ben, and Ben wished he had the guts to try and sneak up on him from behind. What had happened between them two days ago had been running through his head ever since. It was impossible to forget the way Hux had looked at him and the way his fingers had so delicately traced his skin. He didn’t know what would have happened if that ridiculous shaving cut hadn’t ruined everything, but he was aching to be alone with Hux like that again.

“Ben!” Phasma called when she finally spotted him. She lifted her hand in greeting and Doph, sitting next to her, did the same.

Hux turned, and wow did he look drop dead gorgeous in the soft light coming from the fire pit. The flames naturally enhanced the redness of his hair and gave his skin a golden hue. He beamed up at Ben, then patted the spot next to him on the quilt he was sitting on. There was room enough for them not having to sit too close, but Ben dared to sit down a little closer than he would have anyone else.

“Do you want a marshmallow?” Hux asked. He didn’t wait for a reply, however, simply handed Ben a grill spear with a marshmallow already attached to the end of it.

“Thank you,” said Ben, putting the spear over the fire to roast the fluffy treat.

“What have you been up to since last time?” Phasma asked from the other side of the fire pit as she chewed on her own marshmallow.

Ben shrugged. “Reading mostly. Today I went for a run.”

He pulled his marshmallow out of the flames, blew on it to cool it down, then popped the whole thing in his mouth.

Phasma perked up even more than normal at the mention of running and she immediately started talking about her love of working out, throwing him a question every now and then about his workout routine. He tried to answer everything she asked but he found that he wasn’t quite in the mood to talk about these things.

Thankfully, the subject was eventually changed and Ben was able to sit in silence while the three others chatted, eating his way through Hux’s marshmallows. It wasn't that he didn't want to be with them but the whole “Fourth of July on the beach with hundreds of people” thing was a little much. There were just so many people and so much noise.

He noticed that Hux kept throwing worried looks at him. He did his best to return them with smiles but he wasn’t quite sure if he bought it.

A while later, he had successfully managed to devour more than half of the bag of marshmallows Hux had shared with him, only stopping when slight nausea started to set it. At that point, he leaned back on the quilt instead, to give his stomach some rest. When he did, Hux did the same, placing his hand so close to Ben’s, that all any of them had to do was to move their pinky less than half an inch, and they would touch again.

“Are you doing okay?” Hux asked in a quiet voice so Phasma and Doph couldn’t hear him. “You look a little lost.”

Truthfully, Ben was more than a little lost but he couldn’t tell him that. He sighed and stared into the flames in the fire pit. “It’s just been a long day.”

It wasn’t a lie. It had been a long day. The longest in a while.

Hux didn’t answer him with words. Instead, his pinky grazed the top of Ben’s, and Ben sucked in a sharp breath in equal surprise and delight at the touch. His heart immediately picked up its pace and he didn’t move as Hux’s digit gently continued to caress his. Only when he crooked that finger around Ben’s, did Ben move too, bending his own little finger so that the two became interlocked.

It could have been seconds, minutes or hours that they sat like that. Ben didn’t know, because he was rooted in that very moment, solely focused on the two of them, and all that mattered was that Hux was touching him again.

“Do you want to go somewhere else?” Hux whispered close to his ear.

Ben nodded and they both rose from the quilt they were sitting on, walking away from the fire pit. Neither Phasma nor Doph said anything when they left them behind.

Hux led him up a path going up the tree-clad hillside sticking out into the ocean, and Ben soon enough realised that he must be taking him to the lighthouse.

The second they were out of view of everyone, Hux grabbed Ben’s hand and held it tightly as they walked up the well-used path.

“Have you been up here yet?” Hux asked him when they reached the top.

The area surrounding the lighthouse was larger than Ben had thought it was when he had seen it from the beach. It was clearly made out to be a tourist attraction and a lookout point, including a small plateau with a tower viewer and benches to sit on.

“No,” Ben answered truthfully as he took in the view. You could see miles from up there, the ocean only cut off by the horizon itself, where it merged with the starry night sky, and it was only made more mesmerising by the way the lighthouse’s sweeping light ghosted over the black ocean.

Hux brought him over to one of the benches on the plateau, where they sat down, so close that their legs pressed against each other. Hux was still holding Ben’s hand, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles in a soothing manner.

“I thought you might prefer someplace with fewer people,” he said.

Ben greatly appreciated that Hux had taken him away from the busy beach but he was afraid that he was keeping him away from the celebrations. “Thank you, but you didn’t have to do that just for me,” he told him, pressing his lips together and looking down at the ground.

“I didn’t do it just for you,” said Hux then. “I did it because I wanted to be alone with you.”

Ben’s dark eyes snapped back up at the confession to meet Hux’s green. His smile was warm.

The hand that wasn’t already holding Ben’s, reached out for his arm and traced its way up every curve of muscle until it reached his shoulder. There, Hux found Ben’s dark hair. He gently twirled a lock of it around his index finger before running his full hand through his mane to the nape of his neck.

Ben sighed and instinctively closed his eyes at the touch. His hand was so warm and so comforting and if Ben could have nothing else in this world, then he would be content with having only this moment, right here, with Hux.

His eyes flashed open when something brushed against his lips, only to realise that Hux was actually kissing him. He didn't know what to do at first. He was too stunned by what was happening and too overcome by the sudden tugs of desire in his belly. But eventually, he was able to kick himself into gear and return the kiss.

Hux’s lips were soft and he tasted sweet of the marshmallows they had eaten earlier. Ben pressed his mouth a little more firmly against his and Hux answered by parting his lips slightly and moving his other hand to the back of Ben's neck as well, where he laced his fingers together.

Ben wasn't sure what to do with his own hands. They were sitting idly in his lap, but he wanted to touch Hux. Tentatively, he placed them on Hux's slim waist, and when he didn't protest, he left them there.

The kiss deepened. Hux tongued his lower lip and Ben opened for him, meeting him with his own. He hardly knew what to do with himself. He didn’t want to let Hux go; didn’t want to stop kissing him.

He had been kissed before and the kisses had been good, but none of them had made him feel the way Hux made him feel right now, because kissing Hux was like waking up to the first day of his life.

A loud bang, instantly followed by another and then another, made them both jump, breaking the kiss. When they realised it was just the fireworks that had begun, they started laughing.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a little while,” Hux admitted as he took Ben’s hand in his again.

“I’ve wanted to do that since the first time I saw you,” Ben blurted out, followed by an instant blush.

Hux chuckled. “Then I’m really glad we were finally able to do it.”

More bangs were heard and they turned their faces up to look at the colourful display of fireworks brightening up the night sky. Feeling confident after their kiss, Ben wrapped his arm around Hux, who leaned in, resting his head on his shoulder.

They sat like that, watching the fireworks together in silence. When it ended, Hux peered up at Ben.

“Are you ready to go back down to the beach to find Phasma and Doph again?” he asked.

“Not really,” replied Ben.

But this time it wasn’t because he was overwhelmed by the people or the noise. This time it was because he didn’t see any reason to go anywhere when all he wanted was here in his arms. He buried his nose in the crook of Hux's neck, blowing hot air against his skin, then placed a kiss to the shell of his ear.

Hux sighed at the attention, closing his eyes. “Okay, let’s stay a little longer,” he whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A massive thanks to Kaliaraija for helping me out when I was a little stuck on this chapter <3  
>   
> 

There wasn't much sleep to be had that night as Ben's head was completely dominated by thoughts of Hux and only Hux. Every second of the time they had spent together at the lighthouse, was etched into his memory and he replayed it over and over again. He remembered every word Hux had said, what it had felt like to touch him, how he had smelled and what he had tasted like.

They had eventually gone back down to the beach to find Phasma and Doph, but only after kissing each other raw. When they finally did reappear, they did so hand in hand, with flushed faces and secretive smiles. And when they sat down by the fire pit again, both Phasma and Doph smirked knowingly at them.

Ben couldn’t move fast enough the next day. He was so eager to go to the library and see Hux again that he dressed before he had dried off properly after the shower, and he definitely didn’t have time for breakfast, so he just grabbed an energy bar he could eat on his way there.

“In a hurry?” Leia asked him in an amused tone of voice. She was leaning against the kitchen counter, a coffee mug in her hand, and watched him as he struggled to get his shoes on.

“Going into town,” he mumbled back at her. He tried to hide behind his hair as he felt himself blush.

“Say hi to Hux,” she said before walking out onto the terrace.

Ben’s face burned. His mother was annoyingly perceptive sometimes.

Shoving the energy bar into his mouth, he got on the bike, forgot that he shouldn’t bike fast because it made him sweaty, and then had to wait outside the library again to cool off when he got there.

When he entered the library, he found it empty and quiet.

“Hux?” he tried but was met with silence.

The library really wasn’t large enough for Hux not to hear him from the entrance, so if he wasn’t answering, it probably meant he was somewhere in the back. He would just have to wait for him to come back out, and while he waited, he browsed the shelves. He was just looking at the biography section when a pair of hands came out of nowhere and covered his eyes from behind.

Ben almost jumped at first, not used to anyone sneaking up on him and definitely not used to anyone touching him in such a familiar way. He soon relaxed into it though, when Hux chuckled behind him - so close that he could feel his breath tickle against the nape of his neck - and let go. Ben turned to find Hux smiling sweetly at him and looking achingly handsome in a bottle green polo shirt that perfectly complimented his hair. They were close enough that Ben would only have to tilt his head and lean forward a few inches to kiss him.

He was contemplating doing just that when Hux beat him to it. He pressed his hands firmly against Ben’s chest and started kissing him enthusiastically. Hux's eagerness took him by surprise. He had definitely hoped for a kiss when he showed up today but he hadn’t imagined that they were going to make out between the bookshelves. Although people rarely came into the library during the summer holidays, it wouldn’t be difficult for anyone to spot them if they did. However, if this was what Hux wanted to do, then Ben was not about to protest. So he slipped his arms around his waist and pulled him as close as he could get him.

He ran his hands up and down Hux’s back. Gently at first, but then experimentally put some more force behind it, and when Hux shuddered as he pressed his fingernails into his shoulder blades, he knew he had found something he liked.

It hadn’t taken Hux long to figure out that Ben had sensitive ears, and when he moved his head to teasingly nibble on his earlobe, Ben wasn’t quite able to control himself and let out a moan. He blushed a little at his own forthright desire but Hux didn’t seem to mind. He hummed against the side of his neck, where he left a trail of small pecks before pushing the neckline of his t-shirt out of the way and latching onto his collarbone, sucking hard.

“There,” he said when he pulled away again.

Ben just managed to angle his head to spot the bruise he had left behind. “You marked me?” he asked, feigning offence.

“Only where you can see it,” Hux smiled slyly. “So you’ll know you’re mine.”

Ben blinked. “I’m yours?” he asked a little hesitantly.

The sly smile turned sweet and Hux's green eyes seemed to shine a little brighter when he said, “I would like for you to be.”

Ben was honestly baffled by how unafraid Hux was with his feelings. Personally, he was a lot more closed off, but the way Hux opened himself up to him so easily, made him at least want to try to be more transparent in return.

“I do,” Ben nodded, breaking into a foolish grin.

Hux’s reaction to his answer was to crash back into him, his lips finding Ben’s again and immediately going back to where they had left off.

It quickly heated up between them, body temperatures rising and breaths growing shallow as they groped and clawed at each other impatiently. While both of them had been eager to touch last night, they had been more gentle then. Their hands had silently asked questions along the way as they explored each other: _Is this okay? Do you like that?_ And while they still had so much to learn about each other’s bodies, today was a confirmation of yesterday, and so they could allow themselves to be a little bolder.

Hux pressed Ben harder up against the shelf and Ben found that he really didn't mind that he took control like that. He loved Hux's confidence and how he clearly wasn't afraid to take what he wanted.

When Hux eventually stepped away, Ben whined a complaint.

“We should probably calm down a little,” he breathed, a hand still at the back of Ben's neck, massaging it lightly now. With his hair dishevelled and his lips swollen, Hux looked delicious enough to devour whole.

“No, I think we should do this for the rest of the day,” protested Ben. “Or, you know, the rest of the summer.”

Hux laughed. Then he bit his lower lip and looked down between them before meeting Ben’s gaze again. He sounded a little shyer when he said, “I think we both might explode if we keep this up.”

Ben swallowed and blushed when he realised what he was referring too. He was no doubt affected by what Hux had done to him, and a quick glance down at Hux’s crotch told him that he was too.

One very impatient part of Ben was screaming at him that he was hungry (starving!) for more, but the sensible part of him told him they should stop here. This was neither the time nor the place to go any further.

Sighing, Ben pulled Hux in for one more tight-lipped kiss, letting his hands linger lightly on his hips before finally letting him go.

“You can help me put the returned books back on the shelf instead,” said Hux, making his way over to a book trolley by the checkout desk.

“Fine,” Ben sulked a little.

Hux pushed the trolley in Ben’s direction, who caught it before it crashed into the shelf next to him. “Every book you successfully find the right place for will earn you a kiss.”

Ben perked up at that. “That sounds like a job for me.” He picked up a modern history book. “What if I can’t find the right place, though?”

Next to him, Hux crossed his arms and arched a golden eyebrow at him. “Then it doubles. If you get one wrong, you’ll have to get the next two right to get a kiss.”

Pouting, Ben said, “I didn’t know you were this mean.”

Hux shrugged innocently. “I couldn’t show you my true colours until I was certain you really liked me.”

“Sneaky,” commented Ben. He put the book on the shelf where he was pretty sure it rightfully belonged. “Is that correct?”

Hux followed him, checked the book, then nodded. “Very good.”

“Then I would like my reward, please,” said Ben, tugging at Hux to bring him close again.

“You're not very patient, are you?” Hux commented, squirming in Ben's grip.

“Not very.”

He could easily tell that Hux's resistance was just for show, and when Ben leaned in for another kiss, he didn't protest one bit.

 

* * *

 

Phasma invited Ben and Hux over for pizza and a movie one night. Her parents were out of town and she wanted to make the most of it. Ben was happy to be invited and spend time with them all, but mostly he was excited that he and Hux had been invited together. As a duo. _A couple._ Because that was what they were now, and the mere thought of that made him lightheaded and warm and tingly all over.

He had smiled more the days after the Fourth of July than he had in the entire last year. The knot in his stomach was still there (it was always there) but he didn’t focus as much on it when Hux was around. Hux made him forget and forgetting was exactly what he wanted.

Hand in hand, the two of them walked from the library to Phasma’s house in the afternoon after Hux had finished work. She lived on the other side of the bay from where Ben stayed. It was a large two storey home in a quiet, scenic residential area where all the lawns were perfectly mowed and every driveway was inhabited with Mercedes and Lexuses. It was so different from the New York apartment Ben lived in, where everything was always busy and loud.

Hux pointed down the road from Phasma’s driveway. “I live a little further down,” he informed. “To the right there, at the end of the cul-de-sac.”

“Of course you live at the end of a cul-de-sac,” Ben teased as he let his eyes wander over Hux’s neat-as-always polo shirt and chinos.

“Pffft, and you live where? In a trash can?” He poked his index finger through one of the holes in Ben’s distressed t-shirt.

“A trash castle, actually. I’ll show it to you when you come to the city.”

Hux rolled his eyes. “I’ll show you my palace first, to set the standard.”

“Please,” Ben agreed, tugging Hux towards him by one of the belt loops in his pants. He pressed a kiss to his temple, then to his lips and then whispered into his ear: “I would especially love a tour of your bedroom.”

A sudden huff of breath escaped Hux’s mouth, making Ben’s confidence and boldness soar. But Hux only allowed him one more kiss at the sensitive spot below his ear before he pushed him off.

“Not here,” he said. Instead, he dragged Ben with him to the front door of Phasma’s house and rang the doorbell. She answered immediately.

“Hey, nerds,” she greeted them as she let them in. “I was wondering how long you were going to make out in my driveway before you decided to grace us with your presence.”

Crimson coloured Ben’s face. He might be able to be a little bold alone with Hux but not around other people.

Hux, however, fired back: “Jealous? And who are you calling nerds, nerd? You’re the captain of the Mathletes.”

Phasma gasped in mock offence at his words. “Excuse you, _were._ ”

She led the way through a hallway decorated mostly with modern art but scattered with a few (carefully chosen, Ben suspected) family photos and into a large, open living room where everything was very light and bright but still came off as lived in. In one of the two plush couches in front of a massive flat screen tv, Doph had already taken a seat and looked very comfortable with his legs pulled up and leaning on the armrest. He smiled at them when they entered.

“You do realise that Hux is the biggest nerd of us all?” Phasma continued, directly to Ben this time. “I may have been the captain of the Mathletes and Doph may be the heir to that throne, but your boy here is the state spelling bee champion four years in a row.”

Ben went wide-eyed at the information. He already knew Hux was smart but this was another level. “You are?” he asked in surprise.

Groaning, Hux sank into the sofa Doph wasn’t already in. “It’s not a big deal.”

“He competed in the national one as well, but he only came in third,” Doph added calmly, making quotation marks in the air with his fingers at the word _only_.

“Are you serious?” Impressed, Ben just stared at Hux, who, in turn, had turned adorably pink-faced.

“Okay, time to talk about something else!” he tried, clearly wanting to change the subject and moving the attention away from himself.

Phasma made a thinking face before she said, “I guess we could talk about how you were also valedictorian at our graduation.”

“Oh my god, stop!” Grabbing a pillow, Hux flung it at Phasma, who ducked and laughed as she left the room.

Ben sat down next to him. “Why are you embarrassed? You should be proud of this.”

“We try to tell him that, but he’s not great at the whole self-esteem thing,” Doph informed.

“Doph!” said Hux. There was a certain bite to his voice.

Guilt drained Doph’s face of colour as he seemed to realise that he had revealed a little too much information about his friend. “I’m sorry, I only meant what Ben said: that you should be proud of what you’ve accomplished.”

He quickly got up from the sofa and hurried out of the room, likely to find Phasma.

Hux had pressed himself into the back of the couch as if he was hoping he could disappear into it and was eyeing the ceiling with an annoyed expression on his face.

“Are you okay?” Ben asked him gently.

“I’m fine, I just don’t like to brag.”

“I wouldn’t categorise someone else mentioning your successes as bragging,” Ben pointed out. He gave him a careful crooked smile.

Hux’s head fell to the side and his frown disappeared when he looked at Ben. Instead, he grimaced. “I know, it’s just… Doph is kind of right.”

Ben scooched closer, wrapping his arm around him. “If you’re not going to be proud of yourself, then I’ll have to be it for you.”

There was a trying sound of disapproval from Hux but Ben wouldn’t have it. “You’re just going to have to deal with that,” he told him.

Phasma and Doph came back to find the two of them with their arms around each other. Ben made a move to part but Hux hung onto him, so he relaxed back into the embrace, letting him snuggle his head into the hollow at the side of his neck.

The pizza arrived not much later. Phasma had ordered two large ones: one cheesy and one meaty. Ben went straight for the meaty one and so did Doph. Hux and Phasma, on the other hand, favoured the cheesy one. They gorged themselves like royals on the greasy food. Ben and Phasma unintentionally (at first) ended up competing over who could eat the most. In the end, it was a tie, but only because they ran out of pizza. And although he would never admit to it, he was happy they did because he was sure Phasma would have won otherwise.

Ben hadn't been a part of picking out the movie they were going to watch. He didn't know who had been in charge of that. It wasn't something he had given a second thought. It was just a movie, right? Nothing he needed to protect himself against.

It started out well. Phasma dimmed the lights in the room and Hux curled up next to him again. He stroked Ben’s arm absentmindedly as the film started, sending pleasant shivers through his body. In turn, Ben snuck his arm around Hux’s waist and rested his hand on his hip.

The movie was about a man who realised he was stuck in a rut and that he wasn’t doing what he really wanted with his life. So he decided to quit his job and go on a great adventure. The discomfort started when it turned out that the man was a pilot and that his great adventure was to fly around the world alone.

Ben told himself that he could deal with it. It was just a story about some random guy who happened to be a pilot. It wasn’t real. It had nothing to do with him. Still, he struggled to watch what unfolded on the screen. In an attempt to draw his attention away from the growing unease in his body, he tried to focus on Hux, whose entire being was the perfect distraction. In the dim lighting of the living room, he allowed himself to let the hand at Hux’s hip push his white shirt up just enough for his thumb to be able to caress the soft, warm skin that stretched over his hip bone.

Hux shifted slightly next to him but he didn’t make any move that told Ben to remove his hand, and he was grateful for it. He had no intention of trying anything; he simply needed to be a little closer to him, and he was hoping that the warmth travelling from Hux’s body to his fingertips would calm him down enough to be able to sit there until the movie ended.

He made it for a little while - maybe ten or fifteen minutes - like that. But when the leading man took off from the runway in his plane, Ben was suddenly hurled back into the past and he was reminded of all those things that he tried so hard to forget: of times spent with his father.

When he was little, his father hadn't taken him on his lap behind the wheel of a car, pretending to drive. No, when Ben was a child, his father had taken him on his lap behind the yoke in the cockpit of his small plane, pretending to fly. Every week he took Ben flying and he taught him everything he knew about planes and being a pilot so that when Ben grew up, he could realise his dream of becoming a pilot too.

The gnawing hollow inside him was becoming excruciating and he realised that he couldn’t sit there anymore. Trying his best to come off as casual, he released himself from Hux and stood up from the couch with legs that felt dangerously wobbly.

“I have to use the bathroom,” he said in a distant voice.

“Upstairs, first door to the left,” Phasma told him without taking her eyes off the screen.

Finding the stairs to the second floor, he took the steps two at a time and all but ripped the bathroom door open when he reached the landing. He shut and locked it behind him, quickly turned on the faucet of one of the double sinks, before he sank down on the fuzzy bathroom mat. There, he pulled his legs up, wrapped his arms tightly around them and buried his face between his knees.

This was not a good time to be reminded of his father. He didn’t want this, hadn’t asked for it; didn’t want these crushing feelings of hurt and agony and sorrow that came with it. And it was just so unfair how his entire mind and body were completely consumed by this. He was so sick of the dark tendrils that kept yanking at his insides, trying to rip him apart. Why couldn’t he just forget? Why couldn’t he get over it? Why did it keep coming back and back and back?

He didn’t want this!

He didn’t want this.

He didn’t want this...

Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to remind himself to breathe through it. He inhaled shakingly and exhaled so deeply he had to cough. He could do this. He could pull himself together and go downstairs again to the others and pretend like everything was okay. That’s what he had done for so long and that’s what he needed to do now as well.

Legs still weak, he managed to get himself up from the floor and move over to the sink, where he stuck his hands under the cold water and splashed some on his face. He continued to run his hands through his hair to the back of his neck, where he laced his fingers together. He looked at himself in the mirror: drops of water were running down his face and dripping off the tip of his nose and the chin he had definitely inherited from his father.

There was a soft knock on the bathroom door then and a familiar voice spoke: “Ben?”

It was Hux. Ben suddenly went rigid, not knowing what to do. He must have been in the bathroom longer than he thought he had for him to come looking for him.

“You've been up here a while. Are you feeling alright?”

It took a moment before Ben was able to get himself to react. “Um, I-” he began. “I'm not... I'm not feeling so good.”

There was silence from the other side of the door, but then: “Can I come in?”

Ben fumbled a little. His palms were clammy and so he quickly dried them off on his jean shorts. Then he turned the faucet off before moving over to the door to let Hux in.

Hux leaned against the door once it was closed and Ben stood awkwardly in front of him, feeling exposed but trying not to look like he was. Hux's eyes seemed larger than usual and they were watching him intently.

Clearing his throat, Ben looked at him through a curtain of dark hair he had shaken into his face. “I think I reacted to the pizza.”

Hux nodded very slowly. It was a ridiculous lie and he clearly didn't believe him. Ben could tell from the slight tilt of his head and the gentle furrow of his brow. But he didn’t say anything. Instead, he asked: “Do you need to go home?”

Ben felt like a child, a needy child that couldn’t deal with the world and so instead wanted to hide away from it so that the world couldn't see him.

“I think so,” he nodded.

Hux pushed away from the bathroom door, carefully taking a step closer to Ben and reached an arm out for him. His hand went to his shoulder, calmly caressing it. “Do you want me to walk you back? I will if you want me to.”

Ben wanted to say yes because Hux always made him feel better, but he was using all his energy right now to pull himself together and so he concluded it was probably best if he went home alone without bothering him. “No, you stay here and have fun.”

“Are you sure?”

Mustering a smile, Ben said as convincingly as he could: “I’m sure.”

“Unless you want to tell them yourself, I can let Phasma and Doph know that you left so you don’t have to deal with that.”

It was extraordinary to Ben, how Hux seemed to be able to read him and his needs without him having to actually say anything. “Thank you,” he told him.

Downstairs, before he left, Hux gave him a long hug. Once again in his embrace, Ben didn't want to let go and he was so tempted to ask him to come with him.

He didn't.

“I’ll see you later,” said Hux before they parted.

Walking home alone in the darkness and the humid night air, Ben wondered what excuse Hux had made to the others about him leaving. Maybe he used the same lie that Ben had used on him. He just hoped that Hux didn’t feel like he had rejected him by turning down his offer to walk him home or that Phasma and Doph were annoyed with him because he left.

It wasn’t all that late when he arrived back at the cottage. His mother was still up and she looked surprised to see him home before midnight. When she asked him if he had enjoyed himself, he mumbled a _yes_ before retiring to his bedroom, where he quickly shed his clothes and crawled into bed. He was so tired, exhausted even, and it didn’t take long before he was sound asleep.

A couple of hours later, however, when the cottage was otherwise quiet, he was woken up again by a tapping at his window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I desperately didn’t want to end the chapter with Ben being the biggest emotional wreck (even though he is), so there you go :P


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *points to the new dry humping tag* Just in case anyone should have an issue with a 17- and an 18-year-old boy getting a little sexual.

At first, Ben didn't understand where the sound came from. He thought he might have dreamed it, but then the tapping came again and he was certain this time that it was real and that it was outside his window. He sat up in bed and carefully pulled the curtain to the side to peer through the glass. What he saw was the last thing he expected: Hux stood there with a toothy smile and waved at him. He looked ghostlike in the darkness with his pale skin and white t-shirt.

Hurriedly, Ben opened the window. “What are you doing here?” he whispered.

Hux moved over to him so they stood as close as they could with the natural barrier of the window between them. It wasn't far for them to stretch to reach one another, however. Hux only had to get on his toes to be level with Ben, who was leaning out through the window.

“I told you I would see you later,” Hux whispered back.

“I thought you meant tomorrow, not outside my window in the middle of the night.”

Hux’s face was open and honest when he replied, “I didn’t want you to be alone.”

Ben didn’t quite know what to say. He knew Hux hadn’t believed him earlier when he told him he had gotten sick, but he never thought he would show up at the cottage to look after him. Warmth swelled in his chest.

“Are you going to let me in?” he asked then.

Ben blinked, realising the potential consequences of that simple question. Being all alone in a dark room in the middle of the night with Hux could lead to all the things he had already had several wet dreams about; those things he was all too impatient to experience outside of the dream realm. He forced himself to keep himself in check and said, “Just let me put some pants on first.”

A smirk appeared on Hux's face and Ben swore he could see his pupils fatten even in the darkness. “You don’t have to.”

Ben stared at him, unsure if he was being serious or not. He really didn't have a lot of self-restraint with this and if Hux in any way suggested that he wanted something to happen, then he would quickly and enthusiastically comply with his wishes.

Hux simply shrugged, so Ben ditched any plans of putting on more clothes. Instead, he reached his hand out for Hux to help pull him inside. He was light and it should be easy enough to get him through the open window, but there was still a bit of a struggle and he ended up tumbling down on Ben's bed face first. Hux snickered and Ben had to stifle his own laugh so as not to make too much noise.

“We have to be quiet, or my mom might hear us,” said Ben in an almost inaudible whisper.

Hux rearranged himself on the bed so that he was lying down on his back. He then made a gesture as if zipping his own mouth shut before patting the spot next to him. Ben didn't need to be asked twice. He lied down on the narrow bed, having to press his body close to Hux's to fit. When he did, Hux's hand found his and laced their fingers together.

The two of them lied in silence like that for a while, staring up at the white-painted ceiling. Ben was the one who spoke first.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. He felt like he had ruined the evening that was supposed to be fun for everyone.

Next to him, Hux turned over on his side and Ben could feel him looking at him. “Why?” he asked.

“Because I” - Ben swallowed - “got sick.”

“Everyone gets sick sometimes.”

He was trying to sound casual but there was concern in his voice. Ben hated that. He didn’t want him to worry about him. He turned over on his side as well so they were face to face and reached his hand up to Hux's forehead. With his index finger, he traced a slow line over his eyebrow, then followed the sharp curve of his cheekbone, down to his soft, pink lips, where Hux pressed a kiss to his fingertip.

Eyes downcast and huffing out a slight breath, Ben said, “I really like you.”

With Ben’s finger still on his bottom lip, Hux whispered back: “I really like you too.”

Their eyes found each other and soon after, so did their mouths. They kissed hungrily, wrapping their arms around each other and pulling one another close. Ben was inclined to think he was still dreaming; that this nighttime visit was all just another fantasy. But the feeling of Hux sighing into his mouth and shivering against his naked skin could only be real.

Hux’s hands seemed to be everywhere at once: squeezing Ben’s biceps, moving through his hair with fingers that scraped pleasantly against his scalp, stroking his back. Ben shuddered at every small touch and he was quickly reminded that he was the only one that was close to naked. He wanted more of Hux, so he put his hand at the hem of his t-shirt, carefully pushing it up to find smooth and warm skin.

As Ben let his hand slowly and tryingly explore along the side of his ribs and down to the slight dip of his slim waist, Hux suddenly tensed and Ben withdrew.

“Everything alright?” he asked.

Hux gave a silent laugh. “I’m ticklish,” he explained.

Ben smiled, then he tugged at the hem of Hux’s t-shirt. “Can I?”

Hux simply nodded and sat himself up on the bed so Ben could lift the shirt up and over his head. Ben had already seen him with his shirt off at the beach, but this was different. This time it was just the two of them, all alone in the silent darkness, and it was so much more intimate. Hux was narrow and looked so frail compared to Ben; he was almost afraid to touch him. But he leaned in on him again, only this time he went for his chest, gently placing a kiss on each of his pectorals. He nuzzled his way up to his neck, landing more soft kisses as he went. When Hux sighed heavily at the attention he was getting, Ben found his lips again in an eager kiss and they both fell back down on the mattress, giggling.

Ben tried to remind himself to be quiet, but he couldn't help the pleasured gasps and moans that escaped his mouth between ravenous kisses. Hux had set his heart and body aflame and as much as he would like to think he was, he wasn't in complete control of himself at the moment. It hadn’t taken long before he had become affected by it all, and lying so close to him, he could feel that Hux was too. It spurred him on, making him needy and desperate, and he held Hux tighter, pushing against him for friction.

And Hux let him have it. He snuck his knee between Ben’s thighs and he couldn’t help himself from rubbing against it. It felt so good and Hux was so warm and sweet and perfect and beautiful and impossible to get enough of.

“Hux,” he panted as some kind of warning. And then there was a long whimper as the fire in his body overtook him completely.

Breathing heavily, he eased himself away from Hux after and blushed. “I'm sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

Hux shushed him gently before he could finish his sentence. He brought him close again so that his forehead rested against his shoulder and stroked his hair. He could easily fall back asleep like this, Ben realised, all spent and being so lovingly embraced.

Unwillingly, he pushed away from Hux once more. “I should get cleaned up.”

“Okay,” Hux smiled, releasing him from his hold.

Ben stood from the bed, feeling a little embarrassed at the wetness in his underwear. He quickly grabbed a new pair of boxers from his drawer and disappeared into the bathroom. He really needed a shower but he didn't want to leave Hux for too long, afraid he would somehow disappear into thin air if he didn't return quickly enough. So he discarded his messy boxers and cleaned himself up by hand, putting new underwear on.

When he returned, Hux had put his shirt back on and was sitting on the bed. Ben sat down next to him and once again took him in his arms, planting a kiss on the tip of his nose.

“I thought you might leave,” he whispered.

“I do have to go, but not without saying goodbye first.”

“I wish you could stay,” sighed Ben.

Hux pressed a little closer to him and nuzzled his nose against his shoulder. Then he chuckled. “What would your mom say if she found me here in the morning?”

Ben winced. That was the last thing he ever wanted to happen. “She would probably ask you to leave in a creepy calm way and then she would force me to have a _conversation_ with her.”

“Best avoid that then.”

They sat close, holding each other, neither of them seemingly wanting to let the other go when Ben realised something. Hux, unlike him, hadn't found his release earlier, and although he hadn’t said anything, Ben figured he might want to. After all, if there was something he had learned from the little experience he had gained, it was that it was only polite to return any favours.

Not certain how to word it, Ben blushed as he muttered, “Um, you didn’t… Earlier, when we, you know… You didn’t… I mean, do you want to-”

Hux frowned in confusion at his incoherent mumbling, but when Ben gestured between his legs, he seemed to understand. Smiling, he shook his head. “I don't have a change of clothes.”

“Are you sure?” Ben asked. “I don’t want to be that self-centred boyfriend.”

“You’re not,” he replied, giving him a kiss. Then he sighed. “I have to go.”

Ben pouted and held onto his slim wrist. “But I don’t want you to.”

“You’ll see me again tomorrow,” Hux laughed. He pried Ben’s fingers off his wrist and moved towards the window.

“That’s like a hundred years away,” Ben complained.

With one leg out the window already, Hux rolled his eyes. “God, you’re dramatic.”

Those were his final words before he jumped down and was gone. Ben fell back onto the bed, sighing and smiling to himself. Eventually, he fell back to sleep again.

 

* * *

 

Ben didn’t make a habit of listening in on other people’s phone conversations, not even his mother’s. He would have detested it if she did that to him and he honestly thought that she was deserving of a private life just as much as he was. But when he overheard his own name mentioned in a hushed tone of voice through the small gap in her bedroom door, he couldn’t help himself from moving closer so he could hear what she said.

“You know what he's been like since Han passed away. Some days he seems okay, but most days he's reserved and distant,“ Leia spoke quietly to someone. “I just can’t seem to reach him anymore.”

There was an instant sting in Ben’s chest when he heard his father’s name. He swallowed hard as his hands curled into fists, but he didn’t move away from the door.

“I’m not sure, Luke,” Leia continued after a moment of silence. “He's found a boy here that he spends time with, and I think he's enjoying himself, but I don't know.”

So that was who she was talking to: his uncle. Of course.

“I think therapy could be very beneficial for him as well, but I don’t think Ben will see it the same way. He refuses to talk about Han at all.”

There was silence again as Luke probably spoke on the other end, and then Leia, a little annoyed, said, “Of course it’s not healthy, but what exactly am I supposed to do? Have you tried forcing a seventeen-year-old boy to do something he doesn’t want to?”

Leia sighed. “I know it's for the best, I just… I will. Yes. Thank you. Talk to you soon.”

Ben couldn't believe what he had just overheard. He couldn't believe that his mother and his uncle were plotting to get him to see a therapist; that they had betrayed him like that. He was so angry, he could smash something.

When Leia opened the door, she startled at the sight of Ben, who was furiously scowling down at her with eyes that had nearly turned black.

“Did you and Uncle Luke have a nice talk about me?” he spat at her.

“Ben-” she tried.

“No!” he yelled as rage pulsed through his veins. “Why would you do that?”

Leia’s brows drew together. “ _Why?_ Because I'm your mother, Ben, and he's your uncle, and we both worry about you!”

“Bullshit!” he threw back, digging his fingernails into the palms of his hands. “If you worry so much, you can ask me directly, not sneak around and talk about me behind my back!”

“We're not sneaking around,” Leia protested. “We're trying to figure out what's best for you.”

Ben almost laughed in her face at that. “By sending me to a therapist?!” He spoke the last word with so much disdain it was like it was acid on his tongue.

“You have to talk to someone. You can’t keep bottling things up like this!” Her large brown eyes pleaded with him.

“I'm not seeing some stupid therapist! You can't make me do shit if I don't want to!”

“That’s enough, Ben! I will not have you talk to me like that!” Leia snapped.

In a chilling voice, Ben bit back: “I thought you wanted me to talk.”

And then he spun around on his heel and tore the front door open. He roughly pulled the bike away from the fence it was leaning against and mounted it.

He and Hux had agreed to meet that afternoon after Hux finished work, but Ben wanted - needed - to see him now. He was the only thing in his life that made him happy and he really needed some happy right now.

The bike was disposed of with a careless crash outside the library before Ben entered the building. Hux looked up from behind the checkout desk when he walked in, a surprised expression on his face that soon turned to worry when he saw the state Ben was in: sticky with sweat and panting from the aggressive bike ride but, most of all, upset.

“What's wrong?” he asked.

He got up from his chair and moved over to Ben, taking both of his hands in his. Ben, having been filled with so much rage up until that point, relaxed at his touch. The tension in his neck and shoulders subsided and he sighed heavily.

“My mom and I had a big fight,” he told him in a defeated voice.

Hux's eyebrows slanted somewhat as he studied Ben's face. Then he let go of his hands and wrapped his arms around his waist instead, resting his cheek against his shoulder.

“I'm sorry,” he said.

Putting his own arms around Hux and squeezing him tight, Ben softened into the hug, drawing in the scent of his hair. It was curious, he thought, how Hux already seemed to understand him better than anyone else. He had taken one look at him just now and known what he needed.

They stood like that, arms wrapped around each other until Ben eventually let go. Hux took him by the hand and led him over to the checkout desk, where he made him sit down on top of it like he usually did. And instead of going around it and sitting down in the chair, Hux stayed close, placing himself between Ben's legs.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” he asked gently. His hand came up to Ben's face, brushing some of his hair out of his eyes.

Ben's gaze went to the floor. He couldn’t tell Hux the real reason behind the fight; couldn't tell him about his father. He kind of wished he could, but no... He wasn't ready for that. He supposed he could tell him about the therapist though. He just hoped Hux wouldn't think he was crazy.

“She wants me to see a therapist,” he mumbled.

“Oh,” said Hux, sounding a little surprised but not judgemental. “And you don't want that, I take it?”

“I don't want anyone poking around in my head,” he frowned, meeting Hux's eyes again.

Hux put his hands on Ben's thighs, resting them there lightly. He pursed his lips for a moment and seemed to consider something before he quietly said, “It's not that bad.”

It didn't dawn on Ben straight away what Hux was, in fact, admitting to, but when he realised, his eyes widened.

“You have a therapist?” he blurted out. Then, afraid Hux would think he was judging him, he quickly added: “Not that it's weird or anything. You just don't look like you need one.”

Hux gave him a one-shouldered shrug. “You don't have to be in a straitjacket to see a therapist. Although, for all you know, I could be bonkers. You haven't known me that long.”

“Bonkers?” Ben huffed. “Hardly, you're perfect.”

Hux gave him a sad smile followed by a slow nod. “That's my problem. I try a little too hard to be perfect, so much so that it completely takes over sometimes and if things _aren't_ perfect, I struggle to deal with it. Remember what Doph said? I'm not great with the self-esteem thing.”

Ben was honestly shocked at this admission. Shocked that Hux, who seemed so calm and well put together, had these kinds of issues, but also shocked that he shared them with him so freely.

He must have been thinking for a long time because Hux said, “Did I freak you out now?”

To Ben's horror, he looked genuinely worried. Quickly, Ben put his hands over his and squeezed them. “No!” he assured him. “I swear, you didn't. I was just surprised.”

A relieved expression replaced the anxious look on Hux's face.

“Are you okay, though?” Ben asked him. He moved his hands a little upward, thumbs stroking gently over Hux's bony wrists. If there was anything he needed from him, he wanted to give it to him.

“I'm mostly good,” he replied. Then he grimaced. “My parents worry a lot though. They're kind of terrified about me moving to New York.”

Ben couldn't help but smirk a little at that. “They don't have to worry about New York,” he said, tugging at Hux to bring his face closer to his own. “I'll be there to protect you.”

“My knight,” chuckled Hux, letting himself be pulled into a kiss Ben desperately needed and never wanted to end. He wished he could stay close to Hux like this forever. Kiss him and hug him, forget about the rest of the world and any problems, and just be in the moment with him.

“We weren't really talking about me though,” Hux reminded him when his lips left Ben's. He placed his hands on his shoulders. “Are _you_ okay?”

Squirming a little, Ben said honestly: “I don’t know.”

Talking about himself and his feelings, wasn’t something he was used to or liked to do. He had never been the most open emotionally but after what happened to his father, it had become even more difficult, like his emotions were too big for him and he was too small to tackle them. And because he knew he couldn’t deal with them, he ran away from them instead.

“I just hate that my mom is trying to get me to do something I don’t want to do. I’ve told her a million times that I don’t want to talk about… _stuff._ But she keeps pushing me and it makes me so angry, and then it turns into this stupid mess,” Ben tried to explain. “And now I don’t know what to do. I’m still pissed at her but I feel bad for yelling and I just- I don’t know.”

He sighed, shaking his head. He was so sick of fighting with his mother but he was also sick of her not leaving him be.

Carefully, Hux asked, “Can I make a suggestion?”

“Yes,” Ben replied. “Please.”

“Maybe you could you meet your mom halfway?”

Ben gave him a questioning look and Hux elaborated: “I know you said you didn't want to go, but therapists aren’t that bad. It seems invasive because they poke around in your head, but the poking can actually be good. At least, I think so. You could make a deal with your mom to try it, and then if it doesn’t work out, you don’t have to continue.”

A compromise. It was a simple solution, one that Ben and probably Leia as well, were too stubborn to come up with themselves. He supposed he could do that. Although he didn’t like it, he could agree to see a therapist once just to try it. If for no other reason, than for the sake of peace between him and his mother.

Ben gave Hux another tight hug, pressing his ear against his chest so he could hear the steadiness of his heartbeat. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re really smart?”

Hux planted a soft kiss on top of Ben’s head. “It's been mentioned once or twice.”

Ben gave a little laugh. Then, turning serious again, he said, “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” Hux whispered back at him.

 

* * *

 

When Ben returned to the cottage that evening, it was in a way more silent manner than when he left. Sometimes he thought to himself that it was a miracle that he hadn’t broken anything yet in his fits of rage, considering how angry he actually got sometimes.

He found his mother on the terrace, with a book in her hand and a glass of red wine next to her on the table. Carefully, he sat down across from her. She cast him a glance but didn’t say anything. She didn’t seem angry; more fed up than anything else. Ben could sympathise with that. He was too.

On his way back from town, he had thought about how he was going to approach this. He and his mother didn’t normally have these kinds of discussions. They either fought about or danced around sensitive subjects; nothing in between. Eventually, he had come to the conclusion that it was probably best to be direct, to avoid any further arguments.

“I’ve come to parley,” he said, folding his hands in front of him on the table as if he was in an important business meeting. To a certain degree, it felt like he was.

Leia lowered the book into her lap and raised a well-groomed eyebrow at him. “Parley?”

He nodded. “About the therapist thing.”

Leia straightened up in her chair and raised her chin, managing to look both graceful and stubborn at the same time. “I thought you made yourself very clear earlier,” she said sharply.

Ben chewed on his bottom lip. He certainly had. “I know, but I thought about it and maybe we could compromise?”

“Compromise?” she asked a little sceptically. “And what exactly do you suggest?”

His mother wasn’t unreasonable. Not at all. She was a diplomat, above all else, but she was also headstrong and tenacious. And of all the things Ben had inherited from her, those were probably the strongest traits, which was the reason they crashed so easily and quickly. It had been less of a problem when his father was still around. He had acted as a calming buffer between them.

Ben elaborated: “How about I go a couple of times to see if it works out?”

Leia’s eyes widened at that. She opened her mouth to say something, but Ben stopped her by putting a hand up.

“But,” he continued, “if I don’t like it, you won’t force me to continue.” He wanted to be very clear on that. The entire compromise came down to that very point.

There was a short moment of silence, and then Leia said, “I am more than willing to make that deal.” She smiled, stretched her hand out to cover both of Ben’s and squeezed. “I’m very proud of you, honey.”

Ben returned the smile. It may not be much but at least it was a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww Ben and Leia are getting along! They talked! At least a little bit.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who has been wondering what happened to Han, this is the chapter where it will all be revealed. There will be a lot of feelings.

The library had closed fifteen minutes ago, but instead of going home, Ben and Hux had immediately gone to their favourite spot in the building - the Geography section - where Ben was now backed up somewhere between Africa and North America. His arms were wrapped around Hux and rested loosely at his lower back. Hux's hands, in turn, were on Ben's shoulders, lightly stroking his thumbs over his collarbones through his black t-shirt. Patient for once, they were sharing lazy kisses, delighting in the closeness of one another more than anything.

“I was wondering,” Hux began when he pushed away from Ben, moving his hands from his shoulders to the nape of his neck. “Would you like to come to my house and have dinner this weekend?”

Ben blinked. “Dinner? Um, with your parents?”

Hux nodded in response, observing him with quizzical green eyes.

Ben wasn’t sure about that. The thought of meeting Hux’s parents was kind of terrifying. Hux was so put together and Ben simply assumed that his parents were as well. They came from England and lived in such a fancy neighbourhood and his father was an ex-army man! And Ben, god, he couldn’t even keep up a proper conversation.

“I don’t know, you know what I’m like. I can’t really...” he trailed off, eyes going to the floor and shrugging as if to finish the sentence.

Hux’s hands came around to cup Ben’s face, forcing him to look at him. With a fond expression, he said, “No, tell me, what are you like?”

Grimacing, Ben replied quietly: “Awkward.”

“I like your awkward,” Hux pointed out. “Besides, you’re not as awkward as you think you are. You’re just shy and that’s okay.”

Squirming, Ben continued, “But your dad’s a principal.”

Hux laughed at that, and his reaction did, in fact, make Ben relax a little. "He's not going to give you detention if that's what you think."

"Are you sure? Maybe he doesn't like that you're dating me,” Ben frowned.

Hux went from laughing to grinning, shaking his head. "He doesn't mind."

"He knows?"

Nodding, Hux confirmed, "I told them. And they want to meet the young man who has promised to take care of me in New York.”

Although still intimidated by the thought of meeting them, Ben couldn't help but feel a certain warmth spread in his chest knowing that Hux had told his parents about him. That definitely meant something. He wondered what Hux had said; which exact words he had used to describe him.

A modest smile cracked his mask of uncertainty. “I did say that, didn't I?”

“You did and I plan on holding you to it.” Hux pressed a long, slim index finger to Ben's chest.

“As long as you promise me your dad won't expel me from Canto Bay, I'll come for dinner,” Ben finally agreed.

Hux rolled his eyes at him. “Except for the fact that he can't do that, then sure, I promise.” He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Ben's lips as if sealing their deal, drawing a sigh from Ben.

He had to try. He owed it to Hux to give it a chance. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

 

* * *

 

When Saturday afternoon came around, Ben met Hux in town so he could take him to his house. Ben had told him he could probably figure out the short way from Phasma's place, but Hux had insisted and, frankly, Ben really appreciated that. There was a definite sense of security to hold Hux's hand in his. It would be less nerve-racking to arrive with him than alone.

Hux's house was different from Phasma's. Hers had a modern twist to it, while the Hux home was more traditional. It was a large two-story luxury brick house with a cedar roof and an arched entry. The garden was pretty big too, with a neatly kept lawn that was strangely green given the crisp heat of the summer.

“You didn't mention you were loaded,” Ben said. He had assumed they were comfortable, but this house was honestly massive.

“We're not _loaded,”_ denied Hux, grimacing.

“You have a three-car garage,” Ben pointed out, teasing. He poked Hux in the shoulder with his free hand.

Catching on, Hux said, “We have a jacuzzi in the back too.”

“Really?”

Hux nodded, smirking. “Too bad we won't be alone.”

Ben gave a small grunt in response to that, his mind going straight to what alone time with Hux in a jacuzzi could offer. But he reigned his own thoughts in. He couldn't think about that now.

“I'm just trying to distract you,” Hux winked and then squeezed his hand.

“It's working,” Ben admitted.

“Good,” replied Hux. “Are you ready?”

Exhaling, Ben nodded. “I think so.”

The house was just as impressive inside as outside. The style was old, but not outdated. Distinguished was probably the right word, Ben mused, thinking that Hux senior must have brought a lot of English style with him to America.

Hux led him by the hand through a wide hall, past a huge living room and an office, into a large, open kitchen where a woman was busy preparing some kind of salad. She looked up when Hux and Ben entered and smiled warmly when she saw them. Quickly rubbing her hands on the floral apron she was wearing, she made her way over to them.

“Hello, Armie,” she said, giving him a quick peck on the cheek, which he seemed to accept gladly. “And you must be Ben.” She presented a slender hand with perfectly manicured nails to him. “I'm Maratelle.”

Ben took her hand and shook it lightly. “It's nice to meet you,” he replied in a hushed voice.

Maratelle didn’t look a lot like Hux. Her hair was almost as dark as Ben’s and her eyes were hazel. Not even her skin tone or facial features were similar to Hux’s. Apart from being tall and thin, she bore no resemblance to him at all.

“Armitage has told us a little bit about you. You’re renting one of the cottages down by the beach, am I right?” Maratelle asked as she went back to the salad, chopping tomatoes with skill.

“Yes,” Ben nodded.

“And do you like it here?”

“Um,” Ben said. He still thought Canto Bay was one of the most boring places he had ever visited. Thanks to Hux, however, it had become not only tolerable but even exciting.

“He hates it,” Hux finished for him, making Maratelle chuckle.

Ben blushed. “I don’t _hate_ it,” he quickly corrected.

“I suppose it must be very different from New York,” Maratelle smiled genuinely at him.

“Kind of,” shrugged Ben, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his jean shorts to keep from fidgeting.

“Where’s Dad?” asked Hux then.

“He’s out on the terrace,” replied Maratelle, nodding towards an open door leading outside.

They exited the kitchen together, Ben trailing after Hux onto the large stone-tiled platform they referred to as a terrace. There was a comfortable lounge area with two sofas in the most shaded corner, an outdoor dining table with chairs in the middle, and in the other corner was the jacuzzi Hux had mentioned earlier.

Sitting in the lounge area reading a newspaper, was a man that could not be mistaken for anyone but Hux’s father. He had red hair (although more strawberry blonde than Hux’s copper) and similar features to his son. When he spotted them, he got to his feet. He was tall as well, but he was of a somewhat broader build than his slender son.

“Dad, this is Ben,” Hux introduced him.

“I see,” the man said in a crisp English accent. He gave Ben a once-over that made him shrink. Then he offered his hand, which Ben accepted, and squeezed it firmly. “I’m Brendol, Armitage’s father.”

“Nice to meet you, sir,” said Ben, utterly intimidated.

To Ben’s surprise, Brendol huffed a small laugh. “While I appreciate the sign of respect, there is really no need for the _sir.”_

“Oh, sorry,” Ben mumbled.

“And sorrys are only for when you do something wrong.”

Ben was just about to apologize for apologizing, but instead, he pressed his lips together and simply nodded a silent yes.

“Why don’t the two of you set the table?” Brendol told Hux. “We can talk over dinner.”

Ben was happy to have something to do, so he followed Hux and helped him bring out plates, glasses and cutlery to set the table. Finally, together with Maratelle, they brought out the food. She had made oven baked salmon that smelled absolutely heavenly and it made Ben’s mouth water.

“Help yourself,” Maratelle told Ben once they were all seated, gesturing for him to go first.

“Thank you,” said Ben, helping himself to a less generous portion than he would at home because he didn't want to come off as greedy.

“So, Armitage tells us you're from New York,” Brendol spoke when they all had food on their plates.

“Yes, s-” Ben replied. He was about to say _sir_ again but stopped himself.

“You live there with your parents, I assume?”

Ben swallowed, averting his gaze. He really didn't want to go into details about his family. If he did, the topic could quickly get too close to his father.

“With my mom, yes,” he replied, hoping he wouldn't be questioned any further.

Brendol nodded, thankfully not asking any more questions about that specific topic. Perhaps he simply thought that Ben's parents were divorced.

Maratelle asked, “Are you starting university this autumn as well?” She was mild-mannered and soft-spoken, and Ben got the impression she was genuinely interested.

“I still have my senior year left,” Ben told her between bites of perfectly baked salmon.

“And what is it you want to do when you finish high school?” Brendol followed up.

Hux’s father wasn't unkind, but his mannerisms and energy made him intimidating, and Ben wasn’t able to relax in his presence. He couldn't help but compare him to his own father, who had been so very different. Brendol seemed prudent and conservative, while Ben's father had been laid-back and casual in the most definite sense of those words. Brendol was the type of man who applied rules; Ben's father the type to break them.

Ben remembered Leia’s frustration at his father’s sometimes too casual personality. “You never take anything seriously!” she would complain when she had had enough, going on about how he was the most annoying person she had ever had the misfortune to meet. But then his father would wink at her and tell her she was most beautiful when she was angry, and Leia never seemed to be able to resist that. She couldn’t stay angry at him.

“Ben?” Hux's voice sounded. A hand had found its way under the table, gently squeezing his thigh.

Ben blinked, realising he had been lost in thought again and that the other three were staring at him. He shook his head to snap out of his old memories. “I'm sorry,” he mumbled, feeling his face turn hot.

“That's okay, honey, take your time,” said Maratelle, offering him a comforting smile.

“I want to be a pilot,” Ben eventually confessed.

He had always wanted to fly. Even after his father's death, he still wanted to be a pilot. He hadn't told his mother that, however, afraid she would freak out.

“That is a very respectable profession,” Maratelle told him.

“And a difficult one,” Brendol followed up. “Do you have good grades?”

“Dad!” Hux intervened. “You promised.” Turning to Ben, he said, “You don't have to answer that.”

Ben's eyes flicked between Hux and Brendol. The latter grumbled and went back to his food.

There weren't many more questions after that. The Huxes talked amongst themselves about everyday topics, leaving openings for Ben to jump in if he wished, which he didn't do. Instead, he listened politely, finishing a second serving of food.

Maratelle brought them all lemon and lime sorbet ice cream for dessert, which was an absolute blessing in the warm weather.

When they were all done, Hux rose from the table. “We're going up to my room.” He picked up his used plate and cutlery, bringing it with him into the kitchen and placing them in the dishwasher. Ben followed his lead, before moving after him up to the second floor.

Hux's room was large and styled similar to the rest of the house. He had two bookshelves, packed to the brim with books, and (unsurprisingly) neatly sorted. Ben let his fingers trail over the spines, observing a large amount of fantasy, but also some classics and a few on engineering. Next to the bookshelves were several framed diplomas and trophies - a proof of Hux as state spelling bee champion.

It took Ben a while to notice the mass of ginger fur curled up like a cinnamon roll on the king size bed. Not until Hux sat down on the bed and softly spoke to her, did he spot her.

“Hey, Millie,” Hux said, petting the ball of fur. She chirped at the touch, opening her eyes and twisting over on her back. To Ben: “You can pet her if you like. She's very friendly.”

Ben sat down on the bed too, cross-legged. He reached his hand out for the cat and scratched her under the chin and on the chest. Satisfied, she started purring.

“She likes you,” commented Hux, smiling. He shifted his position on the bed, lying down on his stomach. He looked at Ben. “You survived dinner.”

“Barely,” huffed Ben. “I’m not sure I made a good impression.”

Finding his hand, Hux put his on top of Ben's. “You did fine. Really,” he assured him. Then he shook his head and rolled his eyes. “I can't believe Dad asked about your grades. I'm so sorry.”

Ben made a grimace. “He's kind of scary, but your mom is really nice.”

“Oh, Maratelle isn't my mom. She's my stepmom,” Hux explained.

“I didn't know,” Ben uttered in surprise. But that explained why Hux looked nothing like her.

“Sorry, I didn't even think to mention that. My mom died when I was ten and Maratelle and Dad got together when I was twelve, so she's been around for a while,” Hux continued as he kept scratching Millicent's belly.

There was an instant pang in Ben's gut as if Hux had straight up punched him. As simple as that, he had tossed it out there that his mother was dead. He sat up properly on the bed, pulling his hand away from Hux. Suddenly, he felt sick to his stomach.

“Your mom… died?” he asked in a voice so quiet it was more like a whisper.

“Yeah. She had cancer,” replied Hux, offering a melancholy smile. “That's her over there.”

He pointed to the nightstand, where there was a framed photo of a boy and a woman. Ben recognised the stringy child with the bowl cut (perhaps six or seven years old) as Hux straight away. He was holding the woman's hand and beaming at the camera. The woman, in turn, was smiling brightly. She was pretty, with wavy copper hair reaching just below her shoulders. Her nose and lips were almost the exact same as Hux's.

Ben had a similar photo of himself and his father. Ben was maybe thirteen years old, his father had his arm around his shoulders and they were both grinning at the camera, proudly posing in front of the plane. He had used to have that photo up in his room, but he had put it away - face down at the bottom of a drawer. He couldn’t stand looking at it.

It was suddenly very hard to breathe. Ben didn't know what to say or what to do. His head was spinning so fast he felt dizzy and his pulse was beating so loudly in his ears, it was all he was able to hear. He screwed his eyes shut, trying to calm down and get back to the now, but he couldn’t quite seem to rip himself out of it.

“Ben? Are you okay?” Hux spoke from what felt like far away.

Ben was able to focus on him, realising that he was further away than the last time he had looked at him. Without noticing it himself, he had stood from the bed and moved towards the door.

Hux made a move to get up from the bed as well, but when he did, Ben uttered, “I-I have to… go.”

And then he ran. Down the stairs and out the front door of Hux’s house, through their neighbourhood and back towards town. He had no idea where he was going; he only knew that he had to get away from the pain. But it seemed that the further he ran, the more it hurt. The further he ran, the bigger that black hole inside him grew. He had always been able to suppress it, but this time it seemed like he wasn’t able to; this time he was dangerously close to unravelling.

He ran until he met the physical barrier of a railing. Confused for a moment, he realised he was at the lighthouse, where it was quiet and he was all alone. Panting, he grabbed the railing so hard it hurt, trying to will away all the memories that were currently flooding his mind. Memories of what his father and he had done together: how he had taught him to make the perfect paper airplanes; how to skip rocks on the water; how to dodge if he ever got into a fight; and how to cheat at cards.

He kicked the railing. Once. Twice. Three times. Harder each time - so hard his toes went numb at the impact. Tears were burning in his eyes and all he could think was why? Why did he have to go through this? Why had it happened? Why had his father died? Why him and not someone else?

He couldn’t do it anymore; couldn’t keep it in. Ben’s fingers slipped from the railing and he sank down onto the dusty ground as tears started spilling from his eyes. He cried until he was shaking, his stomach was cramping and his mouth was dry from heaving for air between sobs. And when no more tears would come, he still sat - exhausted - on the ground, suddenly feeling very cold despite it being a tropical night.

Sitting there, the last thing he expected was to hear the sound of a familiar voice.

“Ben?”

He jumped and when he looked up, he found - to his horror - Hux standing in front of him. Hux, who was beautiful and perfect and who seemed worried, maybe even scared. He shouldn’t see him like this.

“I thought you might have come here,” Hux spoke mildly as if he didn’t want to frighten him. “Maybe you didn’t want me to follow you, but I couldn’t just let you leave. Not when you’re like this.”

He didn’t move any closer. He stood perfectly still a few feet away from Ben, but the fingers of his right hand were twitching slightly as if he was suppressing a need to reach out.

“I'm sorry,” mumbled Ben, shameful. He sniffled and rubbed his hand under his nose, wiping at the snot that had gathered there.

“You don't have to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong,” Hux assured him.

“I left again,” Ben pointed out, not meeting his eyes. He had left Phasma's house because of the movie and now he had left Hux's house because of his mother.

“So?”

“That's what I do. I run away. When things get” - he swallowed - “hard.”

“I happen to know what that's like,” Hux pointed out. He still didn't make any move to get closer to Ben, but he sat down so he was level with him. He rubbed his hands on his thighs and then he asked, “Do you want to tell me why you run?”

He could tell him, couldn't he? He would know. Of all the people who had ever claimed they knew what it was like for Ben, Hux - who hadn't pushed him to say anything at all - would understand.

“My dad,” Ben started, his voice trembling. It was difficult to continue, but he took a deep, shaky breath and pushed himself to talk about what he had refused to speak of since the day it had happened. “He, um... A little over a year ago, he... died.”

Ben looked up then, finally daring to meet Hux's eyes, who simply gazed back at him calmly. He didn't say anything; didn't make any sound or movement. His brows were somewhat slanted but other than that he was giving Ben the time and room he needed to say what he wanted to say, in the time it would take him to say it.

“He was a pilot. A good one. He had his own small plane that he flew in his spare time. He would often take me up in it.”

Hux gave him a trying smile at that, and Ben understood why. It sounded nice. It had been nice too.

“The day he died, it was reported that a large thunderstorm was incoming. My mom begged him not to fly, but he said it wouldn't be a problem - that he would be back on the ground before the storm hit. I trusted him.”

Ben swallowed. He pushed his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. “But that didn't happen. The storm came quicker than he thought. He got caught in it and… he crashed.”

Hux made a sigh but still said nothing. Ben didn't know what else he could say either. Those were the basic facts of what had happened. So he went silent too until he was surprised to find anger building in him.

“He was an idiot,” he said, gritting his teeth and balling his hands into fists. “He thought he was invincible and he died for it.”

He slammed one of his fists into the ground, sending dirt flying.

Hux was suddenly by his side, grabbing the hand he had smashed into the ground. He curled his own protectively around it.

Ben's lower lip trembled and his chest felt tight. “He left us!” he cried out to Hux, even though he was right next to him now. “He left me and he left Mom because he was a goddamn idiot!”

Tears came again. He couldn't stop them. They pooled from his eyes as he cursed under his breath at his father who would never hear it. But Hux was there, wrapping his arms around him. He let Ben lean into his chest and he held him tight as he cried.

When the tears stopped, he still held onto Hux, not wanting to let go. He was the only thing safe and secure in this moment - his own personal rock of Gibraltar.

When Hux eventually spoke, he said, “It's okay to be angry, you know. It’s okay to be mad that he left.”

Ben unwrapped himself from Hux enough to look at him, but they still sat close, fingers laced together. In a gravelly voice, he asked, “Were you, when your mom died?”

Hux made a strange sound, something between a laugh and a cough. He leaned his head back against the railing and gazed up at the stars that had come out. “I was very angry,” he admitted. “I refused to believe that she was gone. Even though I was there at the hospital when she died, even though I went to the funeral and saw her casket being lowered into the ground, I wouldn't believe it.”

He turned his head to meet Ben’s eyes. There was a certain melancholy in his pale green eyes when he talked about this, but he still seemed at peace with it. “I blamed everyone,” he continued. “My dad for not being there for her day and night, the doctors and the nurses for not saving her, myself for not loving her enough to survive. But most of all, I blamed her. I couldn’t understand how she could just leave me like that.”

All Ben could do was listen to what Hux was telling him. He recognised so much of his own thoughts and emotions in what he was saying - the anger, the blame, the hurt.

“I know my dad comes across as kind of cold, but he cares in his own way. And when Mom died, he never once told me not to be angry. He let me vent whenever I needed to, and slowly all the yelling and screaming subsided.”

Hux reached out for Ben, using his fingers to push away the hair that had fallen into his face. “Looking back now, I realise what was most important, was that I let it out. You can’t keep all this to yourself, Ben. It will destroy you.”

“It just hurts so much to talk about it,” said Ben, sniffling.

“I know. But I promise you, it will feel better with time if you do. I’m not saying it will stop hurting completely - it won’t - but it gets better.”

Hitching a breath, Ben whispered, “I’m scared.”

Hux pulled him in tight again, asking: “Are you afraid you will forget him?”

Ben almost broke down again at that question. He kept telling himself that he wanted to erase all memories of his father because then he wouldn’t feel all this pain, but the truth was that he was terrified he would forget him. He was so scared that he would wake up one day and his father wouldn’t be the first thing on his mind or the last before he fell asleep. Things were already slipping. Like the sound of his laugh. Or his smell. He had had a distinct smell, but Ben couldn’t pinpoint it anymore. It was gone. Despite how deep he had buried all those memories - preserving them so they would stay with him - they were disappearing. What if he forgot him completely? Who would remember him if Ben didn’t? Who would keep his memory alive if not him?

He nodded slowly, admitting to what he up until now hadn’t even wanted to admit to himself.

“You’ll never forget him,” said Hux. He placed a soft kiss on Ben’s left temple. “Letting go of your pain doesn’t mean you let go of him.”

They sat together for a long time, Hux holding Ben until Ben was ready to let go. When he was, Hux took him by the hand and followed him safely back to the cottage. There they said their goodbyes and Hux promised he would come and check on him the next day.

Ben was worn out; tired and sore from the running and the crying. He didn't have enough energy left to hold himself up straight. His shoulders were slouching, his eyes were swollen and red, and his clothes dirty from sitting on the ground.

He entered the cottage on heavy feet, dragging them behind him into the living room, where he found his mother curled up on the couch with a cup of tea and a magazine.

“Hi, B-” she began when he appeared, but when she saw the state of him, she immediately got to her feet and rushed to him. She placed her hands on his arms to steady him and looked at him with troubled eyes. “What's happened? What's wrong?”

Ben let himself lean against her, bending down to rest his head on her shoulder. “I miss him, Mom,” he whimpered into the soft fabric of her t-shirt.

“Oh, honey.” Leia pulled him into an embrace and her voice cracked as she said, “I miss him too. Every minute of every goddamn day, I miss that fool of a man.”

It was a long time since Ben had allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of his mother, but right now this was what he needed. She was what he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was emotional, but as hard as it was for Ben it was also meant to be cathartic for him. He really needs to let go of all the pain he has been holding onto, and this is the start of him doing just that. Things will get a lot better for him now.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! I hope you like it. And I hope you find it as sweet as I want it to be.

The last time Ben could remember having slept in his parents’ bed, was when he was eight years old and had a terrible nightmare. But this night he crept into bed with his mother, curled up next to her and put his head in her lap. And Leia calmly stroked his hair and hummed a quiet, wordless tune - just like she had done when he was little - until he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

When he awoke the next morning, his body felt stiff and his eyes were puffy and sore from all the crying the day before. His mother wasn't in bed anymore. Listening to the sounds of the cottage, he heard quiet noises coming from the kitchen through the gap in the bedroom door. He slowly got out of bed, rolled his neck and shoulders in an attempt to get rid of the tension there, then shuffled into the kitchen where he found Leia sipping an iced tea. She smiled warmly at him when she saw him.

“Want some?" she asked, pointing to her glass. "I made a small batch last night."

Ben nodded, noticing how dry his throat in fact was. She poured him a large glass and he gratefully accepted, quickly quenching his thirst with the peach drink.

“Hungry?”

His stomach answered with a complaining rumble. “Starving,” he grimaced.

Leia prepared and served him two pieces of toast with fried eggs (sunny side up). She silently watched him eat for a couple of minutes before she asked, “How are you feeling?”

“Okay, I guess,” he replied, and for the first time in a long while he realised that what he said wasn't just an automatic response to get her to leave him alone; it was true. He did feel okay. Yesterday had been emotionally draining, but it had also been surprisingly good. Opening up to Hux and then to his mother had relieved him of a massive load. There was still hurt inside him - it hadn't magically disappeared - but it was a little less painful. He felt lighter, somehow, like he wasn't being pulled down by invisible weights anymore.

She studied him, looking him over as if making sure he really was okay. Eventually, she seemed satisfied. "That's good."

“I just have a bit of a headache,” he admitted, absentmindedly rubbing his temple with his index and middle finger.

“You had a rough night, honey. I’m sorry you had to go through it but I'm happy you're feeling a little better.” She smiled.

He smiled back at her a little shyly. It felt new and familiar at the same time to be this calm and relaxed around his mother. He wanted it to stay this way.

"So, do you have any plans today?"

Swallowing the piece of toast in his mouth, he glanced at her. "Hux said he would come over."

"That's nice," she said. "It's nice that you met him."

Ben nodded slowly. "Yeah." Then he added, “He's moving to New York soon, to study."

“Oh, is he now?” Leia raised her eyebrows at him, her tone of voice changing.

He hadn't actually told Leia that much about Hux. Even though he knew that she knew, he had wanted to keep them separate. However, after last night it felt more natural to open up to her about him.

“He’s going to study engineering,” Ben told her. “He's really smart.”

Leia reached a hand out for him, gently pushing some of his messy morning hair behind his ear.

“He must be,” she agreed, “having snatched you up.”

“Oh my god,” Ben cringed and pulled away from her.

He pushed his empty plate away, rolled his eyes and got up to move to the bathroom. He desperately needed a shower and a painkiller before Hux showed up. He wiped at the foggy mirror once he was out of the bath, realising it had helped little to better what a mess he looked like. After last night though, he supposed it didn’t matter if Hux saw him like this. Not that he didn’t want to look his best for him, but he didn’t have to hide this other part of himself anymore, which was a relief.

Hux really was a gift, wasn’t he? Ben didn't understand how their fates had clashed so perfectly that they had met each other at this very point in their lives - the point where Ben seemed to need him the most. He wasn’t quite sure if he actually deserved him, but he wasn’t about to question the universe and he wasn't going to let Hux go now that he had him.

There was a knock on the front door just as Ben exited the bathroom and he all but ran to open it before Leia could. Hux beamed at him from the porch, bathed in bright sunlight from behind, and Ben’s heart did a full somersault at the vision of him. He let him in, noticing the basket and blanket he was carrying in one hand. The other was tucked behind his back, but he presented it soon enough, revealing a beautiful bouquet of sweet-smelling lilacs (coupled with some other type of flower Ben didn't know the name of).

"Flowers? Hux, that's- why would you-" Ben gaped as he struggled to find his words.

"You deserve them, don't you think?" Hux spoke sweetly as his eyes sparkled. He pushed the flowers into Ben's hands.

“Hello, Hux,” Leia suddenly sounded.

Ben spun to face her, his hands clutching the flowers and his face growing red.

"Oh, such lovely flowers! Did you bring them?" she asked Hux.

“Hello, Mrs Solo," Hux greeted her. "Yes, I did."

“I believe I told you to call me Leia the last time you were here.”

“Leia,” he corrected himself.

"That's so sweet of you to bring Ben flowers. I don't believe anyone has ever given him flowers before."

"Mom!" Ben hissed at her, his face burning.

"What? Am I not allowed to point it out when your first boyfriend brings you flowers?"

"MOM!"

Granted, she was right. No one had given him flowers before, least of all a boyfriend, but she didn't have to say it like that. It made him sound like a totally hopeless case.

Leia smirked. “All right, I can see I’m already unwanted. Let me take those and put them in water and you two can go and enjoy your day together.”

Safely outside, Ben said, "Thanks for the flowers, and… sorry about the awkward." He gestured towards the cottage and shifted his feet, gravel crunching under the spongy soles of his shoes.

Hux stepped close to him and gave him a soft, lingering kiss. Ben responded in full, pressing his lips eagerly to Hux's.

"Your mom is sweet.”

Ben rolled his eyes, sighing. "A sweet embarrassment."

"I think it's their job to be embarrassing."

Grimacing, Ben nodded in agreement. God knows his parents had embarrassed him enough through the years. His father had been an expert at it, being the world champion of dad jokes. The worst part was that Ben always knew when a dad joke was coming, but he couldn’t stop or escape them. He tried so hard to avoid saying anything to trigger them but his father managed to make some sort of ridiculous wordplay out of pretty much anything. “What do you call a pilot who likes to live dangerously, Ben?” he had asked him once when they were out flying. Ben had groaned before his father had said _Han Yolo_ and laughed until he almost choked.

A sigh escaped Ben at the memory, his brow furrowing. He would give anything to hear one of those jokes again.

“Hey,” Hux spoke gently. “Everything okay?”

Ben blinked at him. “Yeah, I just remembered something about-” He paused. “About my dad.”

Hux took his hand and squeezed it, warmth spreading from the point where he held him to Ben’s heart. “Good or bad?”

“Both? I mean, a good memory, but it feels bad to remember it.”

“I used to have a lot of those too.”

“Do they go away?” Ben asked him with a certain fear. He didn’t want to lose the memories but he didn’t want it to hurt.

Hux shook his head. “They change. In the beginning, the memories hurt because it’s painful to remember that person who’s gone. But after a while, the memories become more like a treasure to remember them by. I mostly remember my mom with a smile these days.”

As if to underline what he had just said, he offered Ben one of those smiles. There was comfort in his words. Ben only wished the time when he could remember his father with a smile and not a stab to his gut, would come sooner.

“How are you feeling otherwise?” Hux asked, giving Ben a once-over.

“Better,” Ben nodded, adding: “Tired.”

“Good thing I have a very relaxed day planned for us.” He lightly tugged at Ben’s hand to lead him away from the cottage and started walking in the direction of town.

“Does this plan have anything to do with the basket and blanket you’re carrying?”

“Yup, it’s for our picnic. Our goodbye picnic.”

“I love the picnic part. I hate the goodbye part,” grumbled Ben. This was his last day in Canto Bay. Tomorrow he had to go back to New York and he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to leave Hux.

“How about we call it our _see you soon_ picnic? It’s only a month until I move to New York, after all.”

“Literally forever,” Ben moaned.

Rolling his eyes at him, Hux teased: “What a drama queen.”

Hux showed the way to the lighthouse. Ben supposed it had become their place now. It was where they had shared both their first kisses and secrets. It made sense to go there for their last day as well.

A few people were at the lighthouse enjoying yet another one of Canto Bay's bright sunny days. There was another couple sitting on one of the benches by the lookout, holding hands and giggling. Then there was a small group of tourists who were busy photographing and using the tower viewer. Hux settled down as far away from all of them as possible, on the other side of the lighthouse where they were out of view from anyone. It was clear that he tried to accommodate Ben, and he greatly appreciated it.

Once the comfortable patchwork blanket was spread out on the grass, Ben and Hux took their seats on it.

"So," Hux began as he opened the basket and started pulling things out. "I have strawberries and watermelon and homemade lemonade."

"You made lemonade?" asked Ben, surprised.

"No, Maratelle did. She's great at stuff like that."

Two polka dot paper cups were produced from the basket as well and Hux poured them both a cup. Ben sipped at his. The lemonade was still cold and it was the perfect combination of sour and sweet.

“Want to try the strawberries?” Hux asked.

“Sure,” said Ben. He reached for the small, plastic basket containing the red fruit, but before he could pick one up, Hux yanked the basket away from him. Confused, Ben watched as he picked a strawberry from the basket with those slim fingers of his and put it between his teeth. But he didn’t bite down on it, just held it there. He proceeded to give Ben a sultry look.

Gaping slightly, Ben sat still and simply stared at him until Hux took the strawberry out of his mouth again. He cocked an eyebrow and asked, “Don’t you want it?”

“N-no, I do!” Ben quickly said, wanting to slap himself for how easily flustered he became. He couldn’t help it though. Hux was just so… hot.

“Then come and get it,” said Hux cheekily, placing the strawberry safely between his teeth and pushing his chin forward to offer it to Ben.

This time, Ben wasn’t as slow to move. He leaned on the palms of his hands to get closer to Hux, locking eyes with him as he did, and he angled his head a little so he could bite down on the strawberry. His teeth sank into the soft flesh of the fruit before his lips met Hux’s and they kissed. It was the taste of summer - juicy and sweet - and Ben’s heart knew that he would never forget this moment or any other he had shared so far with Hux.

The rest of that day passed slowly but simultaneously all too fast. They ate and drank and laughed as they watched the puffy clouds drift lazily above them and listened to the placid lapping of the waves below.

The sun had already started its gradual descent when a light shake of his shoulder woke Ben up. The last thing he could remember was placing himself between Hux’s long legs and resting his head on his chest. The warm breeze had felt like a loving caress to his skin and Hux’s embrace like a safe haven. He had only meant to close his eyes for a minute or two to enjoy the sensation.

“Sorry,” he said, unsuccessfully stifling a yawn. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“It’s okay, you needed it,” Hux replied sweetly. “I would have let you sleep, but I wanted to show you something.”

He pointed to the water and Ben propped himself up on one hand to allow his gaze to follow Hux’s finger. His eyes landed on something moving in the sluggish, golden waves close to the bay: dolphins. There were five of them and Ben watched, mesmerized, as they all playfully bobbed in and out of the water. They twisted, turned and jumped - sometimes one after the other, sometimes in unison. Ben had only ever seen dolphins at the aquarium, and while they were entertaining to watch, seeing them in their natural habitat was something completely different. They were so beautiful and carefree.

“Wow,” Ben uttered.

“Aren’t they amazing?” asked Hux.

Ben nodded, staring at the elegant sea creatures as they provided their onlookers with a fascinating show. It went on for a good few minutes before the dolphins swam back out of the bay and disappeared.

Still watching the water, Ben spoke:  “Hey, Hux.”

“Mhm?” Hux murmured back at him.

“Thank you.”

There was a small pause before Hux asked, “For what?”

Ben turned to find Hux watching him with warm, caring eyes he thought it impossible to ever grow tired of looking into. He bit his bottom lip. He was a little shy about it, still finding it hard to express his innermost feelings, but it was important that Hux knew how much he appreciated what he had done for him. “For everything. You know, for being there and helping me with all this stuff."

Hux gave him a fond look. "I'm glad I'm able to help. I know it's difficult."

Letting his gaze go to the ground, Ben picked at a seam in the patchwork blanket. He confessed, "I honestly don't know what would have happened if I hadn't met you."

“It was meant to be, I suppose.”

Their eyes met again and Ben had to swallow a lump in his throat. “You think so?”

As a reply, Hux put his arms around him and squeezed, then placed a delicate kiss to his forehead. Ben sighed and closed his eyes again, relaxing back into Hux’s embrace.

He didn’t feel tired anymore, only content.

 

* * *

 

“That was all of them,” said Leia as Ben put the last suitcase in the trunk of their silver SUV. She slammed it shut and patted the car.

It was barely ten o’clock in the morning. Leia had wanted an early start so as not to arrive home too late, seeing as she needed to get back to work the next day. They had tidied and cleaned the cottage and put the keys in a coded lockbox by the front door. Everything was ready for their departure.

Ben closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. The fresh smell of salt and seaweed filled his nostrils and the wailing sound of the seagulls soaring above him pierced his ears. They were smells and sounds that had all been unfamiliar to him four weeks ago, but which he now found comfort in. They reminded him of Hux and they reminded of hope - hope that things could get better even when it seemed impossible that they could.

“So, are you ready to leave?”

Speaking of Hux.

Ben opened his eyes to find him standing in front of him, his hands casually tucked into the pockets of his beige chinos and the light breeze playing with his side swept copper hair. He was wearing sunglasses, a pair of tortoiseshell Wayfarers, but Ben could see the brightness in his eyes even through them.

“Yeah, pretty much,” replied Ben. He tried not to sound upset, but he was a little. It sucked having to leave Hux.

“I have a parting gift.”

From a worn leather bag on his shoulder, Hux pulled out a book and handed it to Ben. It was white with bloodied black feathers on the cover; the third and final book in the Raven Rings trilogy. It was clearly read - perhaps more than once - but it wasn’t a library copy.

“You never got to read the last book, so I figured you could borrow mine,” Hux shrugged.

“Are you sure?” asked Ben.

“Of course. You can just return it once I get to New York.”

“Thank you.”

Hux stepped closer so they stood toe to toe - the tips of his white Converse touching Ben’s black. His fingers reached for the hemline of Ben’s grey t-shirt and picked at it.

“I’m going to miss you, you know?” he said, glancing up at Ben from behind the shaded glasses.

Ben grabbed the hand that wasn’t already holding his t-shirt, lacing his broader and tanner fingers with Hux’s slim and pale, freckled ones. “I’m going to miss you too. A lot. Like, probably-won’t-be-able-to-sleep-tonight-a-lot.”

Hux laughed at that. He moved the hand picking at Ben’s t-shirt to his sunglasses and pushed them onto the top of his head, allowing Ben to look deep into his spring green eyes. “You’re such a dumbass.”

Ben gave him a crooked smile.

“Lucky for you I happen to like dumbasses,” Hux added.

“Very lucky,” Ben grinned.

The car honked and Leia waved her arm out the window: a cue that it was time for them to leave.

“I have to go,” Ben sighed. “I don’t want to, just to make that clear.”

Again, Hux laughed at him. Then he closed in on him completely, put his arms around his neck and pulled him into a long hug - a hug that was supposed to last them a whole month. Ben held Hux as tightly as he could, wishing that time could stop for just a moment, just long enough for this hug to last a little longer.

The car honked again.

“I’m _coming!_ ” Ben practically roared at his mother.

“See you in a month,” said Hux as Ben reluctantly let go of his hand and walked backwards to the car.

Once in the vehicle, he buckled up and immediately turned to look back at Hux through the rear window. He was still standing in front of the cottage. When Leia started up the engine, he lifted his hand in goodbye and Ben didn’t take his eyes off of him until they disappeared around a curve and he was no longer visible.

One month.

Just one month and he would see him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of the fic, but it's clearly not the end of the road for Ben and Hux. In a month, there will be lots more smooching for them. Ben is going to be the best NY guide for Hux, and Hux is going to sneak Ben into his dorm room. And they will live happily ever after etc etc :P
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and for leaving kudos and comments. It truly means the world to me!

**Author's Note:**

> [Come say hi to me on tumblr if you want! :)](http://heresetrash.tumblr.com/)


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